Thank you all for your thought-filled comments yesterday. I read each one of them carefully while lying on my office floor and processing (aka balling my eyes out) everything that had happened. The long and the short of yesterday is Grey and I are both miserable from this journey. Try as we might, it's been hard to find joy in our lives, as it's either being undermined or feels unattainable. The reality is, most people say or do terrible things when it's assumed you won't have children. And I'm one who has trouble forgiving.
Grey and I continued our talk yesterday, getting to a point where it was clear we were both exhausted, though still angry. At that point we called a truce, agreeing work on all of this with David on Wednesday. I know some of you pushed for an earlier meeting, but David's been away and I've learned after many years of therapy how important it is to see the person who knows your history.
On top of feeling like my world is crashing down around me, today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Though my heart is filled with joy over the news of BFPs and birth announcements, there's a sadness that comes with remembering what we've lost. Though I was pregnant for only a brief moment in time, the memory of those few days of bliss will forever be etched on my soul. As silly as it is, I still hurt from the loss of those potential children and not a day goes by where I don't remember the the images of our beautiful embryos that could have been. Today I've planned a walk by Puget Sound, allowing myself some time to do what I haven't allowed myself to do since I've lost them: remember the good moments. The joy of seeing those images, the feeling of being at peace and of hope.
Finally, here's the sock exchange list.
Jessica @ Dreaming of Dimples with Toni @ Who is this "Fertile Myrtle"
KelBel @ Tales from Our Yellow Brick Road with Janet @ Just a little off Kilter
Alicia @ Queen of the Slipstream with D @ My Life is About the Journey
MRHK Musings with Sharon @ Ova Achiever
Rochelle @ all the things we hope for with StacyLee @ Conceptionally Challenged
Aspgriswold @ Growing Griswolds with Stork Chaser @ Dog Mom Chasing the Stork
Joey and Maria with AmyG (Joey and Maria, please contact me so I can give you AmyG's contact info)
returntogobaby with Our Journey through this Lovely Life
Jenn @ The Future Fords with Amanda @ From here to Maternity
HRF @ Waiting for little feet with K @ Our Growing Gardunn
Trisha @ The Elusive Second Line with Cristy @ Searching for our Silver Lining
Lola @ Waiting for Baby with Emhart @ Follow Every Rainbow
Ladies, I have an extra special plea: please don't add to my heartache by not contacting your exchange partner. Most of you I know will not do this, not I occasionally get a couple with each of these exchanges and it breaks my heart. So many women have written me to tell me how much these socks mean to them, so please write me if you want to bow out. No hard feelings if you communicate with me, I promise.
#MicroblogMondays 139: Wind Phones
5 hours ago