A few weeks ago, Grey and I were at a Rely for Life kick-off event. Playing the role of the dutiful wife, I watched my husband speak to the crowd about why their fundraising efforts were important for furthering cancer research and the development of new treatments/early diagnosis methods. Needless to say, he was popular. Anyway, before Grey's presentation one of the organizers took everyone through an exercise. On each table, was a set of white paper bags with glow-sticks. Dimming the lights, the presenter asked all the cancer survivors to crack a glow stick, place it in a bag and then to put it over their head. Then she did the same with their caregivers, family members, friends, nurses, doctors and anyone who was raising for the American Cancer Society. It wasn't long before the room was filled with the glow from the luminaries. And under that glow, she played the following song.
I'm not normally a fan of popular music, but this one has stuck with me, haunting my thoughts during the quiet moments. The memory of hope that floated through that room, calling each person to do what they could; to never give up.
I'm currently in my second week of suppression medication. In the past, I would count the days and focus on how awful I felt. This time, though, things have been different. With the memory of the Rely kick-off event and all that happened that night, I've been choosing to looks for signs of hope. It's amazing how many there are on a daily basis, be it the bursts of sunlight on otherwise cloudy day, the hummingbirds that chase one another while visiting our feeders, the moments I get to spend with a co-workers puppy (I need to write a blog-post about Ralphie, but needless to say watching a puppy grow and bounce is a wonderful cure to the blues), watching up to find Jaxson and Daisy snuggled next to us and even being wrapped in Grey's arms.
Even the women and men of this community.
The truth is, I have a lot to be thankful for. Keiko recently wrote a post about being thankful for infertility. Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever be there, but I am thankful for the support and love I've received during the past year. For the friendships I've made that have changed me for the better and given me the courage to try again. For the stories of hope that remind me that miracles can happen.
I'm thankful for my family, despite being small. I'm thankful for friendships that bolster Grey and I when we need it most. I'm thankful for the doctors who have provided me with care, even during the moments that were so dark. And I'm thankful for this chance to try again, for the new protocol that goes with a new diagnosis. Hell, I'm thankful for a diagnosis!
Maybe one day, I'll be thankful for infertility too.
For each and everyone of you who stops by this blog today, I wish you all a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving. May there be moments where your heart is full of love and peace. May there be moments of hope.