Thursday, November 22, 2012

Thankful . . .

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice." -Meister Eckhart

A few weeks ago, Grey and I were at a Rely for Life kick-off event. Playing the role of the dutiful wife, I watched my husband speak to the crowd about why their fundraising efforts were important for furthering cancer research and the development of new treatments/early diagnosis methods. Needless to say, he was popular. Anyway, before Grey's presentation one of the organizers took everyone through an exercise. On each table, was a set of white paper bags with glow-sticks. Dimming the lights, the presenter asked all the cancer survivors to crack a glow stick, place it in a bag and then to put it over their head. Then she did the same with their caregivers, family members, friends, nurses, doctors and anyone who was raising for the American Cancer Society. It wasn't long before the room was filled with the glow from the luminaries. And under that glow, she played the following song.




"Home"

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you're not alone
Cause I'm going to make this place your home.

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
Cause I'm going to make this place your home.

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons 
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
Cause I'm going to make this place your home

I'm not normally a fan of popular music, but this one has stuck with me, haunting my thoughts during the quiet moments. The memory of hope that floated through that room, calling each person to do what they could; to never give up. 

I'm currently in my second week of suppression medication. In the past, I would count the days and focus on how awful I felt. This time, though, things have been different. With the memory of the Rely kick-off event and all that happened that night, I've been choosing to looks for signs of hope. It's amazing how many there are on a daily basis, be it the bursts of sunlight on otherwise cloudy day, the hummingbirds that chase one another while visiting our feeders, the moments I get to spend with a co-workers puppy (I need to write a blog-post about Ralphie, but needless to say watching a puppy grow and bounce is a wonderful cure to the blues), watching up to find Jaxson and Daisy snuggled next to us and even being wrapped in Grey's arms. 

Even the women and men of this community.

The truth is, I have a lot to be thankful for. Keiko recently wrote a post about being thankful for infertility. Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever be there, but I am thankful for the support and love I've received during the past year. For the friendships I've made that have changed me for the better and given me the courage to try again. For the stories of hope that remind me that miracles can happen.

I'm thankful for my family, despite being small. I'm thankful for friendships that bolster Grey and I when we need it most. I'm thankful for the doctors who have provided me with care, even during the moments that were so dark. And I'm thankful for this chance to try again, for the new protocol that goes with a new diagnosis. Hell, I'm thankful for a diagnosis!

Maybe one day, I'll be thankful for infertility too.

For each and everyone of you who stops by this blog today, I wish you all a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving. May there be moments where your heart is full of love and peace. May there be moments of hope.

15 comments:

  1. Love to you and happy thanksgiving!

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  2. What a beautiful post! That is my favorite song right now, too. Wishing you a peaceful Thanksgiving

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  3. I think I can safely speak for this community in saying we are thankful for you, Cristy.

    Happy Thanksgiving.

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    1. I second this sentiment! Much thanks to you Cristy (and Grey) for being so awesome.

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  4. I am so hopeful for you sweetie. Have an extra piece of pie and feel my hugs from Boston.

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  5. Counting my blessings today, Cristy. That means you :-)

    Wishing you all good things...

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  6. Happy Thanksgiving, Cristy! I love that song more every time I hear it, especially considering the story you just told, and it is now happily stuck in my head!

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  7. Oh, I have posted about that song before, one of my favorites. Has gotten me through a lot of tough times and hopefully it will you too. Sometimes a puppy's face is just enough to make a bad day seem like one you can live through. Hoping you are able to embrace these next few weeks however difficult they may be and that your sunshine is finally coming...thinking of you and hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving

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  8. Oh wow! Thanks for sharing this Philip Philips song. It is amazing and I too love the words!

    May you continue to find hope in simple and wonderful places. Sometimes it's all we've got!

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  9. It never hurts to count your blessings and be thankful for them.

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  10. Wonderful post dear. I am thankful for this community and your friendship every day. I wish you all the luck there is to be found in your upcoming FET. I'm here if you need to call.

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  11. So glad that there is hope. And you're right - miracles happen all the time. I'm looking forward to reading as you work towards your little miracle. Hugs.

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  12. Beautiful post and beautiful song. Thinking of you during this time. I listen in to each podcast and am amazed by how openly you all share your journeys. Much love to both of you as you navigate through this cycle. I'm rooting so hard for you guys.

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  13. You always have a way of hitting the nail on the head.

    I hope you had a peaceful and calm holiday.

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