This is Grey. Thanks again for your support through our journey. You truly provide sunshine. I hope we reflect this back to you.
My feelings right now are a collision of contradictions. I'm so happy deep down, yet angry and anxious. Our current situation has me feeling like a most precious tree is blooming after a long winter after losing so many others and all I can see is the trouble around it. I want to protect it. I want to protect them, mother and children. I see our recession and crime (arson, armed robbery and worse) tattered neighborhood, careless, cell-phone using or texting drivers (as a bike commuter myself, even more so, saw someone eating a bowl of cereal with milk once too, between their knees driving downhill, no kidding). I want our children so dearly, I'm happy, but I'm angry at the world too. Why was this so hard? Why is the world so filthy, incompetent and careless when there are babies? Especially THESE babies! I know the data says one now, but we continue to believe in the other.
I don't want to feel like this. The anger is new. It is different than the depression of the last several months (years). It's more alive, but destructive. I think of Sugar Beat and it resets. Clarity sets in. We've had good news. I love you in there. I would do anything I could to help you from out here. I think of my nephews and nieces and what they mean to me and what they have taught me. I remember I need to stay warm in my heart or there is no point to being a parent. I need to stay good for you.
PSA: Your Kids Know That You Smoke
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