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Anniversaries of loss are marked in different ways. Some mark them as dates on the calendar. Others by places or events. For me, I mark them with the cherry blossoms. The blooms that bring a sweetness to the air and a promise of spring. The blooms that last for too short a period of time.
Since the Beats have arrived, there's been a difference for how I recognize those we lost. Though there is still an underlying feeling of sadness for losing those much wanted babies, there's also a moment of reflection on the trauma from that period and how much it has shaped my current reality. It's a time I allow myself to analyze the scars and find the beauty in the scar tissue that has healed over the wounds.
Last year, Grey and I took the Beats to the University Quad to spend some time with the blossoms. As I watched these two tiny infants roll on the grass and excitedly call out to the other children who were playing, I couldn't help but envision their siblings also running around in the same carefree manner. Calling the Beats to come play with them. The weather over the weekend has prevented a similar outing this past weekend, but I'm planning on taking them tomorrow for a family picnic. Allowing them to sit under the trees and absorb the beauty that is all too fleeting.
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