"I just want an explanation," he said softly. I could hear the pleading in his voice, an attempt to understand what had happened to result in over 4 yrs of radio silence.
My mom had just turned the phone over to my dad, after spending 30 mins filling me in on their Christmas celebration and updating me on all things family. She had asked about the Beats, gleaning information about their size and weight, wanting to know what they liked to do and liked to eat. All of it fluffy conversation with me purposefully skimming the surface the whole time.
My dad started our conversation asking how I was, how we were and what we were up to. It becoming clear he was waiting for my mom to be out of earshot when we asked me the question I knew had been on his mind for all these years. What happened?
During my last conversation with my folks my mom asked a similar question, but it was immediately clear she was picking for a fight. In that case I immediately felt myself tense and began nervously evading an answer, knowing full well she wouldn't take it well. With my dad, it was a different story. Taking a deep breath, I immediately relaxed as I let the truth flow out of me, telling him about how my mom's push for Grey and me to adopt my cousin's son had been the final straw.
My dad and I have always been close. So close that when I cut off contact with my family, I heavily grieved losing him. All the hurt came rushing back as we talked, as it became clear how much he was hurting from that severance. But unlike my mom, he was trying to understand. Though he reminded me he didn't agree with what I did, he was trying to empathize.
I'm still process all that happened during our 30 mins on the phone. All mixed up with a lifetime of memories and emotions. The feeling that with this reconnection is also a metamorphosis for our relationship from parent and child to something more fitting. But also finally recognizing that I indeed hurt someone I love dearly while recognizing that he too hurt me.