I have a hair issue. Specifically an issue with getting my hair cut. The whole thing started when I was 4 yrs old and decided it would be fun to cut my own hair. My mother completely freaked out when she realized what I had done, forever impressing on me that me possessing a pair of scissors for this activity was a terrible thing. Combine this negative experience, which stifled any exploration into different hairstyles and cuts, with the fact that it's so damn hard to find a hairstylist I can actually communicate (sidenote: why is this so damn hard?) and the end result is one where I dread dealing with my hair. I'm too terrified of welding a pair of scissors and cutting my hair in a manner I like, but I ALWAYS fail to communicate what I want from a stylist (and always end up lying about being okay with what they've done). It's a vicious cycle.
I've hit a new level of this with the Beats. As both kids grow, their hair grows too requiring frequent trims to keep it manageable. These trims can quickly become expensive, with some kid-friendly shops wanting $40-50 per haircut. Our options are the following: let it grow (which can be a bit difficult after awhile), suck up the cost or learn to cut their hair ourselves.
So last weekend, armed with a new pair of shears, Grey decided to turn cutting He-Beat's hair.
And the results were a uneven mullet.
As I was flooded with memories from that day I cut my own hair, I pushed down my anxiety and panic, push back tears at the sight of this little boy who looked like he had had a fight with a weed wacker, calmly thanked Grey for being so brave for trying to do this. And then I did some research and found a local chain that cuts kid's hair for $13 and scheduled an appointment to correct the damage.
The truth is, I want the Beats to have a positive relationship with taking care of their appearance. To not see the act of grooming as vain or futile and to be able to advocate for what they want. And, in truth, I'd like to learn how to cut their hair. Grey agrees with me that there's a lot of healing that could come from this act and it may help me with learning to communicate what I need when I walk into a salon.
The thing holding me back is the fear and panic from long ago. I still see both my mother's tears and hear her anger from that day. Feel the shame from her disappointment in me. I get it how she was feeling as I see so much beauty in the Beats and it's hard to see them looked disheveled. But the damage that was caused by that reaction has lasted for over 30 yrs. And it's going to take some time to undo it.
So, for anyone who cuts hair, please weigh in and educate me on how to do this. I've already been warned that small children squirm and fight this process, so I'm not looking for perfection. But I'd like to learn. I'd like to conquer this fear.
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