Thursday, August 11, 2016

Baby steps

Over the weekend my parents came for a visit. Brief recap for those not in the know, this visit was the first time I have seen my parents in 5 years. It was also the first time they met the Beats. So one can begin to imagine the emotional land mine Grey and I have been sitting on top of.

The long and the short of it is that overall it went well. My parents did a good job of mostly respecting boundaries (my mother struggling a bit with this one) and they were both immediately taken with the kids. The Beats clearly didn't know what to make of the situation, but they warmed over the weekend and were offering hugs at the end.

On our end, Grey and I have really been processing all of it. The distance, both physically and emotionally, has allowed us to be in a unique position of seeing things for what they actually are. To see how insecure my mother is not only with herself but also the world around her. It's actually quite sad because she does have this need to control in order to find comfort and it makes me reflect on her life in general and how lacking in control she must feel. Staying in her comfort zone is key. Recognizing this made me reflect more on how I deal with uncertainty (lots of anxiety) and how that impacts not only me but those around me. So a lot of inner reflection has come from this.

All that said, Grey and I do see a road forward. Though travel is out of the question for now, video chats will be scheduled. Though my parents don't know exactly where we live, we're getting to a point where we're feeling comfortable sharing that information. And boundaries are being set with good behavior being rewarded to enforce this and bad behavior being confronted. In short, it's a work in progress. Baby steps being the theme, both for healing and for moving forward.


11 comments:

  1. I'm so glad the visit went well, and that you see a road forward. It's so wise of you to put yourself into your mom's mindset to see why she does the things she does, what the root cause is of the dysfunction, and feel some empathy there (that doesn't erase the hurt, but helps with healing I bet). It sounds like such a tough situation, but hopefully the video chats and staunch boundaries will help in moving on down that road.

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  2. This is great to hear. All things considered, hopedully they can be a positive presence in the Beats' life at some point.

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  3. I'm glad that it went well, and I'm glad that the boundaries that you set were respected (and when they weren't respected, I'm glad you called them/her out). I admire your ability to see things from her perspective. I think this really speaks to your character.

    Fingers crossed that things continue to go well!

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  4. Isn't it interesting to see things with fresh, grownup eyes? I love what you say here: "The distance has allowed us to be in a unique position of seeing things for what they actually are." Here's to clarity, healthy boundaries, and forward movement.

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  5. I am so SO happy to read this. You should be very proud for taking the steps you have. You are an inspiration. HUGS! I can't wait to hear how this road progresses....

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  6. I'm glad the visit went well and that boundaries were (generally) respected!! I hope that the future continues to be bright!!

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  7. Glad to hear this happened, and that it went well for the most part! Here's hoping it continues to progress well, for everyone's sakes. (((hugs)))

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  8. wow, this is big! I hope things keep improving.

    it's so interesting to look at our parents as we get older a day see them for what they are

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