tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post1484429924789603739..comments2023-04-04T07:26:09.997-07:00Comments on Searching for our silver lining: Getting back in the saddle. Part 1: Confronting the guiltCristyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-34726735599387804182014-01-25T18:21:06.338-08:002014-01-25T18:21:06.338-08:00Welcome back! I think it's incredibly importan...Welcome back! I think it's incredibly important to be honest with ourselves and with others about where we are in our journeys. I look forward to reading more... Joshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13423295019681051881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-18192071151336177692014-01-21T13:18:16.441-08:002014-01-21T13:18:16.441-08:00This journey takes so many twists and turns. It is...This journey takes so many twists and turns. It is different for everyone and you feel how you feel. But as usual, I'm glad to read your thoughts and walk with you. Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimpleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02945119397487785737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-27753368528769192482014-01-16T19:21:04.205-08:002014-01-16T19:21:04.205-08:00It's been said many times and it's true: ...It's been said many times and it's true: going on to parent doesn't take away the pain of infertility. Yes, you are in a place that many others are still struggling to get to, but that doesn't change the fact that you still belong to this crappy club that can't really plan the family you've always dreamed of. <br /><br />I don't talk about it much, but at least once a day, amidst the joy I feel in raising my son, I feel a profound sadness in knowing that I won't get to experience pregnancy again and every first I experience as a mother will also be my last. And then I feel guilty for feeling that way and try to repress my feelings. I get it. I understand. Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14101535107377688458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-79036781659079310512014-01-15T14:56:41.604-08:002014-01-15T14:56:41.604-08:00Great to hear from you.
Isn't it surprising h...Great to hear from you.<br /><br />Isn't it surprising how closely intertwined joy and loss can be? Fulfillment and guilt? I don't know why it's surprising. Part of me wants only half the dealio (the happy half)!<br /><br />I think it's great that you're exploring this, acknowledging the full range of emotions. I'll be here reading.Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-56959706750371086812014-01-15T11:47:10.861-08:002014-01-15T11:47:10.861-08:00Happy to read that you are backHappy to read that you are backRebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06316511791499949824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-54071908482496308912014-01-15T08:33:12.970-08:002014-01-15T08:33:12.970-08:00Nice to see you writing again.
In the cycle I fin...Nice to see you writing again. <br />In the cycle I finally got pregnant with Paxlet, I too was preparing for a childless life. I had even gone to a psychologist to discuss my thoughts and feelings. Add on top of that my mom's recent death and I was in a horrible state. It is amazing how there is still a wide range of emotions, even though I've gotten what I ultimately wanted. Life is strange and continues to be so.JustHeatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05373768249873098150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-68251343046018521632014-01-14T21:55:23.064-08:002014-01-14T21:55:23.064-08:00You know I understand my friend. All of it. I feel...You know I understand my friend. All of it. I feel the exact same way. The feeling guilty over wanting a second chance to experience pregnancy and birth. Feeling grief over the ones you lost and what they could have been. I am in the same position of having no more embryos and knowing IVF is not in our future. If there is one thing I can tell you to feel better for, it's that your twins have each other. You will never have to be sad they don't have a sibling. I am dealing with that now and it's hard. You have nothing to be sorry for in telling us this secret. It's common among IF parents. Missing you and the babies already.ADSchillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13972164121690415796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-27425390349974782172014-01-14T20:04:43.454-08:002014-01-14T20:04:43.454-08:00So good to see you back! I loved every word of thi...So good to see you back! I loved every word of this... so perfect for your return. The hurt and joy and complicated feelings all together. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10444923660657053515noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-11200941233658108882014-01-14T17:25:34.830-08:002014-01-14T17:25:34.830-08:00What everyone else has said. ;) Glad to see you b...What everyone else has said. ;) Glad to see you back, although it's certainly understandable that time to write is at a premium for you right now...! I so enjoy reading your thoughtful, well-written posts. loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-27449233801582157342014-01-14T07:01:22.170-08:002014-01-14T07:01:22.170-08:00Hey! I'm so glad to read this post - parentin...Hey! I'm so glad to read this post - parenting after infertility is its own can of worms. It can be so hard to reach out - feelings of guilt and sadness mixed with overpowering gratitude and happiness is not an easy place to navigate.<br /><br />It's surreal to be in a place that you couldn't have even dreamed about a year ago - I totally get that. I'm proud of you for admitting that this can be difficult and for sharing your experiences. There is nothing easy about infertility, including the coming to terms with everything part even after our families are blessed with babies.<br /><br />I'm glad you're back! I hope daycare/school went well and that you guys are settling in to your transitions!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14896931627340645963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-45218307848131120552014-01-13T22:57:33.908-08:002014-01-13T22:57:33.908-08:00I'm so glad you're "back." I re...I'm so glad you're "back." I resonate with much of what you write and can't wait to hear more of what you have to say. Sara-Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02106264089310972938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-88877017010911376822014-01-13T21:03:30.255-08:002014-01-13T21:03:30.255-08:00As always this is a beautiful post, one I can unde...As always this is a beautiful post, one I can understand completely. Even though I have this beautiful, amazing little girl there is a part of me that is resentful that I didn't get to carry her and go through the pregnancy. Which leaves me feeling extremely guilty because I'm so lucky to be her mother at all. I also think about my lost babies a lot as well. Every milestone she hits, I wonder if my other babies would have hit them as well. <br /><br />But in no way should you feel guilty about expressing those feelings on YOUR blog. If people have a problem with it there is a simple solution...don't read. This is your space and you should do with it what you please. I know that is easier said than done as I've been struggling with the same thing for weeks but I'm working on it. <br /><br />You, my friend, always inspire me so I for one greatly look forward to many more posts. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-70112247572771009812014-01-13T18:14:38.451-08:002014-01-13T18:14:38.451-08:00I don't think you should be so fearful. It is...I don't think you should be so fearful. It is inevitable that you will be having many of these feelings. Feeling gratitude, yet at the same time feeling loss, is I expect very normal in your situation. And it's terribly hard to have to deal with it all at once - the joy and the grief. All those competing emotions, confusing the hell out of you.<br /><br />And guilt, such an awful emotion, seems normal too. (In a reversal of your situation, I've felt guilt over feeling joy and gratitude for what my life offers me.) What's important is that you are recognising what you have, but at the same time trying to come to terms with what is over, or what you lost. As Melissa said above, these feelings don't make you any less grateful. I think I would be very frustrated if you felt you couldn't express any negative emotions, simply because you are "supposed" to be so happy and grateful. Because that's not realistic either.<br /><br />Wishing you the very best.Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-4580827028275295042014-01-13T16:52:46.455-08:002014-01-13T16:52:46.455-08:00Welcome back, Cristy. I can't imagine what it...Welcome back, Cristy. I can't imagine what it's like to try to find time to blog with newborn twins...I can barely find it now! And don't worry about the haters. We've got your back. I wish people would just let others have their feelings without telling them that they're right or wrong. Aramishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12275274008426941898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-88395706473662160082014-01-13T13:44:47.410-08:002014-01-13T13:44:47.410-08:00Aw welcome back, lovely post. Just because you ar...Aw welcome back, lovely post. Just because you are sad you won't have more children does not make you any less grateful for the Beats. :)Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11420005753297839567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-74235184122987955372014-01-13T13:41:32.251-08:002014-01-13T13:41:32.251-08:00I so enjoyed this post. Thank you so much for bein...I so enjoyed this post. Thank you so much for being so honest. You took some of my thoughts and put them into words.KelBelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17400825492187240028noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-88241985388110989282014-01-13T13:01:28.854-08:002014-01-13T13:01:28.854-08:00First of all, it is so great to see you back and b...First of all, it is so great to see you back and blogging again. I know that your life has to be super busy and you don't want to miss a moment with the beats. <br /><br />Beautiful post today and I can really appreciate you being so honest and open about your experience.Just Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06315564549299993908noreply@blogger.com