tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post2293023185529234276..comments2023-04-04T07:26:09.997-07:00Comments on Searching for our silver lining: #MicroblogMondays: unnecessary competitionCristyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-54300348632152496162016-05-19T13:52:07.607-07:002016-05-19T13:52:07.607-07:00Late to the party, but I love your "StartAski...Late to the party, but I love your "StartAsking" "ask." I literally laughed out loud when I read about the teenager's remark to the woman on the bus. There's one kid I can't imagine will be going out to get pregnant deliberately because they can't imagine doing anything else with their life. ;) <br /><br />Going one step further, I think we need to ask why we place so much importance & value (& self-worth) on our ability to procreate. I like to think I'm a person of interest and worth, and I've accomplished many things in my life -- but I know that, in some people's eyes, I'm not someone they can relate to or easily talk to because I don't have children (and because the one that I did have, briefly, DIED). I can't help but feel that nobody has ever been as excited for me or about something I was doing as those few short months I was pregnant, with the possible exception of when I was getting married. :( loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-86137001517412470452016-05-16T05:43:32.043-07:002016-05-16T05:43:32.043-07:00I actually worry about this with my own family. Al...I actually worry about this with my own family. All of my siblings are step or half, and I have more family from divorces/marriages than I do family by blood. Even with using donor eggs, my child, would be the first biological grandchild for both of my parents, and grant parents. Now, while my step/half siblings that have had children are perfect, they tend to give special treatment to their biological parents over my mom or dad (I think those sort of things just tend to happen no matter how hard we try) I think there will be a HUGE shift in the family if we have a successful IVF. <br /><br />The "competition" that you speak of is definitely something that used to bother me. When my sister-in-law had a girl I thought (that's ok, we could still have the first boy) her two boys followed not to shortly after. When my half sister's, step-sister had a baby, it killed me because almost 8 years younger than me her children would be the first to call my half sister "aunt". She is now pregnant with her third while I am still childless. <br /><br />Life has a funny way (or not so funny way) of keeping us in check. All the plans, all the competitive things that resided in me have been challenged time and time again. I suppose that's one of the reasons infertility makes me the lucky one. I have an appreciation for this process of procreation that many may never have. I am thankful for that.Lavonne @ the OCD infertilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17506595995853364027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-23107037697590945782016-05-04T22:29:48.358-07:002016-05-04T22:29:48.358-07:00Cristy, this is a really excellent post. Though I&...Cristy, this is a really excellent post. Though I'd dispute one thing. I think some of us do talk about the procreation competition. Those of us without children - and indeed those who go through infertility - are often subjected to it. I have to say that it isn't just women, having heard men tell my husband to "prove he's a man and get her pregnant." I see it in the infertility community too. Women congratulating themselves for getting pregnant, because they "tried harder" or "didn't give up" or did X, Y or Z.<br /><br />We had a woman like your woman-on-the-forum visit our ectopic site. She went on and on about how stressful she found her infertility, during her pregnancies for her 7th and then 8th children. When she wasn't pregnant, she admitted she would cry when she heard that others were. Like the woman on the bus, she seemed to have this need to feel special when she was pregnant. <br /><br />When we separate ourselves from our immediate reactions, or with the benefit of time when we're out of the infertility stress and grief, you're right, it is possible to feel sorry for those women, for their inability to feel compassion for others who have suffered trying to get something that came so easily to them, and for their feeling that by celebrating someone else's happiness, it was taking away something from their experience. Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-26370291836453990652016-05-04T14:17:26.673-07:002016-05-04T14:17:26.673-07:00Honestly, it was only 10 mins where all of this ha...Honestly, it was only 10 mins where all of this happened. I don't know the whole story.<br /><br />But it brings things even more to my point of competition. If she was being excluded, then what the hell is going on with the family? Why aren't both pregnancies being celebrated? And that poor kid. <br /><br />It just left me feeling so sad because it is not necessary.Cristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-22481150319304509912016-05-04T14:11:47.668-07:002016-05-04T14:11:47.668-07:00But what if she was sad because she really was tre...But what if she was sad because she really was treated differently by the family? What if the inlaws played favourites, and this was just one more way they were rubbing her face in the fact that she wasn't accepted? I've seen that play out before, and it is heartbreaking when two SILs are pitted against each other, the children of one woman celebrate and the children of the other women endured. Was there more to the conversation?Lollipop Goldsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-54085470565730595442016-05-04T07:52:40.186-07:002016-05-04T07:52:40.186-07:00I love this post, thanks for sharing.I love this post, thanks for sharing.Gypsy Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13026496787029080243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-42597389232977971272016-05-02T22:12:09.499-07:002016-05-02T22:12:09.499-07:00Yeah, any time you enlist others to pump up your s...Yeah, any time you enlist others to pump up your self worth, including a fetus, probably not going to end well.<br /><br />I dislike being the centre of attention (unless I'm performing) and did not feel that gestating a baby was meant to be a spectator sport. Sometimes I wondered if I was missing out on the fun but probably not.torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-68018241975453078052016-05-02T19:17:47.276-07:002016-05-02T19:17:47.276-07:00You're right. We experience so much grief beca...You're right. We experience so much grief because we seek fulfillment from outside ourselves.<br /><br />What an exchange. Wow. I wonder how it impacted the woman and the teen, too.Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-84108124401856865032016-05-02T18:41:15.483-07:002016-05-02T18:41:15.483-07:00What a very powerful and very needed post! Thank y...What a very powerful and very needed post! Thank you. Even though I am happy with my own family, I still experience those pangs of jealousy...and it's hard not to let those turn into anger or resentment. I think the really important thing is what you said: focusing on family...whatever that may look like! Again, wonderful post!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com