tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post3677574802186078715..comments2023-04-04T07:26:09.997-07:00Comments on Searching for our silver lining: NIAW: Resolve to know more . . . . about the emotional impactCristyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-56284133803719401282014-05-02T06:04:46.674-07:002014-05-02T06:04:46.674-07:00There is so much awesome about this post. And Yes ...There is so much awesome about this post. And Yes - we can say until we are blue in the face that "fertiles don't understand" and that's the problem. They don't. But on the flip side of that, I am starting to see (even though it hurts because we, as infertiles, believe we deserve the bigger pity party) that fertiles can't understand why they lose friends withOUT kids once they have theirs...I had a friend (who I haven't seen since high school but thanks to Facebook, we're "friends" there...) who has 5 kids now. She's 34 and her family has ALWAYS been VERY fertile. She was pregnant with her first at our high school graduation. Last week she posted something along the lines of that - of how "once you have kids, you lose friends". But they DON'T get it OR understand. Because infertility is such a "taboo" subject. It's like "what, you have feelings? OMG don't talk about them!" Like that woman in your post who took her friend out because she seriously honest to god thought that a day out with her baby would make her infertile friend who had a miscarriage feel better?!!!! Obviously we look at that and think "how insensitive!" but maybe - just maybe - that woman truly honestly thought she WAS helping (or at least trying to). Even my RE told me last week (in our 3 week follow up from my own miscarriage) that society doesn't talk ABOUT miscarriages enough (yeah, he was speaking to the choir). I'm the kind that I want to tell everyone. I'm NOT "rejoicing" about my m/c, of course, but I want people to know "hey, this is why I've abandoned our friendship" or "yeah, this is why I've been working from home a lot more". It's NOT that I don't like them or don't want to be friends with them. I just needed a lot of time to myself. That being around fertiles WITH kids hurts more than I can even begin to say. I posted a meme last week about "You'll never understand, but I'm glad you don't, because that would mean you would have to go through my pain and I'd never wish that for you." But again - on the flip side, it would be nice for them to understand SOMETHING so that they would know that the "just relax" and "stop wanting it so bad and it'll happen" comments are so hurtful.<br />But until infertility quits becoming so taboo, the fertiles who don't even know that infertility is a true medical disease, they will never know.Lillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07636258806265231840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-37186851934400070652014-04-30T10:42:47.615-07:002014-04-30T10:42:47.615-07:00What an important post to write, and what a wonder...What an important post to write, and what a wonderful job you've done with it! Each time I think I'm really, truly "getting through," I'm reminded that there is still so much ground to cover. My MIL, for example, has offered us 4.5 years of love & support (going so far as to drive up to care for me after my most recent laparoscopy), yet I was stunned and ashamed that at my long-awaited, somewhat-long-dreaded baby shower on Saturday she gave door prizes to the women with the most children and grandchildren. It hurt to know that the need to gently educate never, truly ends.<br /><br />And, same goes right back at me now that I'm in this limbo of not quite trying and not yet parenting. Language matters, behavior matters, and nothing changes that.Not When But IFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09599184975693469548noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-43608160695489341092014-04-29T01:53:52.225-07:002014-04-29T01:53:52.225-07:00THANK YOU SO MUCH for this post. Very enlightening...THANK YOU SO MUCH for this post. Very enlightening and I'm sure it'll help many people. :-)Amelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16792921371964029469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-85791747689082890972014-04-25T15:15:34.663-07:002014-04-25T15:15:34.663-07:00This is a fantastic post. I was just talking with ...This is a fantastic post. I was just talking with another woman who I've known for a bit but just learned is also infertile. The one comment I remember so distinctly from our conversation was "No one can understand. No one can understand unless you've been there. Infertility is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy." The emotional divide is so large and so hard to bridge.Pepperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16660732311643664518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-58082761186257999132014-04-24T13:13:25.647-07:002014-04-24T13:13:25.647-07:00Hi Cristy, thank you for posting this. I am in the...Hi Cristy, thank you for posting this. I am in the throes of infertility treatment right now - 3 failed IUIs so far, and IVF this summer if the current cycle fails - and I appreciate your perspective. I have been dealing with well-meaning people in my life who just don't get it. I'm wondering if I can share a link to this post with some folks in my life? Thank you -- hope you are doing well these days. I think you have an important role to play as someone who has been through infertility and truly understands.marisa shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00908879297936638337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-3178479870536018562014-04-24T13:03:51.042-07:002014-04-24T13:03:51.042-07:00Cristy, Thank you so much for posting this. I'...Cristy, Thank you so much for posting this. I'm in the throes of infertility -- 3 failed IUIs so far, IVF this summer if this current cycle fails -- and I have felt that I am beginning to distance myself from others. I am not shy about talking about my struggles, but people just don't get it. Some of them don't want to get it, either. It's so frustrating when people spout the "why don't you X" or "just try Y" or "stop worrying about it and it will happen". They don't seem to understand that I'm not causing this problem by worrying about it. Anyway - I appreciate this, and I wonder if I can share a link with some folks in my life who might need to hear it? I think you have an important role to play as someone who has experienced infertility and truly understands the complex range of emotions that treatment entails. Hope you are doing well these days.marisa shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00908879297936638337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-32737784448480549012014-04-23T13:54:47.155-07:002014-04-23T13:54:47.155-07:00This is beautiful, Cristy. I love that you now ser...This is beautiful, Cristy. I love that you now serve as an intermediary between the two groups... what a beautiful and special role. I've often succumbed to the "they'll never understand" ideology, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't still try. Compassion and understanding are worth the fight.Thank you for the reminder and thank you for continuing to advocate for infertility awareness!Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11657607481465480125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-4857942445239073412014-04-23T12:03:19.220-07:002014-04-23T12:03:19.220-07:00WoW! Wow! Wow! That's the type of post I want ...WoW! Wow! Wow! That's the type of post I want to write on this subject. Factual, yet with personality that touched my heart. Now I need to think of something to write... (if I can get my behind in gear.)JustHeatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05373768249873098150noreply@blogger.com