Anniversaries of loss are marked in different ways. Some mark them as dates on the calendar. Others by places or events. For me, I mark them with the cherry blossoms. The blooms that bring a sweetness to the air and a promise of spring. The blooms that last for too short a period of time.
Since the Beats have arrived, there's been a difference for how I recognize those we lost. Though there is still an underlying feeling of sadness for losing those much wanted babies, there's also a moment of reflection on the trauma from that period and how much it has shaped my current reality. It's a time I allow myself to analyze the scars and find the beauty in the scar tissue that has healed over the wounds.
Last year, Grey and I took the Beats to the University Quad to spend some time with the blossoms. As I watched these two tiny infants roll on the grass and excitedly call out to the other children who were playing, I couldn't help but envision their siblings also running around in the same carefree manner. Calling the Beats to come play with them. The weather over the weekend has prevented a similar outing this past weekend, but I'm planning on taking them tomorrow for a family picnic. Allowing them to sit under the trees and absorb the beauty that is all too fleeting.
Cherry blossoms are the trademark of the spring. We are so excited this year.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post
ReplyDeleteIt's been 10 years since the twins have been here, so many more years than that since our first loss. But I still think about everyone who is not here. I don't know when it will fade. Sending a hug as you go into another season of cherry blossoms.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous. I love the idea of visualizing your lost babies rolling around with the Beats in the spring blossoms. Even when things go well and time marches on, that loss never quite goes away, but it's a beautiful way to honor it. Love this post.
ReplyDeleteI hope the family picnic continues to heal the wounds and soothe the scars. I love too that you can now see the beauty of those scars.
ReplyDeleteLovely image and lovely thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI find anniversaries a way of marking a large moment on my life. I've learned to live the rest of the year, but on that one day of loss, I find it almost ceremonial to mourn what could have been.
ReplyDeleteMarking nature's seasons can be so double-sided. It makes us notice what we have but also remember what we've lost.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous photo & gorgeous mind picture. Hope you had a great outing!
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