tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post634165446053470086..comments2023-04-04T07:26:09.997-07:00Comments on Searching for our silver lining: Human ConnectionCristyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-51873321107780604422016-08-18T15:50:37.858-07:002016-08-18T15:50:37.858-07:00I'm luck to have close, if not complicated, re...I'm luck to have close, if not complicated, relationships with my family. I definitely know my parents would always be there for me if I needed them. Having said that, they are humans and flawed like the rest of us, and I'd rather not have to rely on them if I can help it. ;)<br /><br />My mom was estranged with her father, but maintained strong relationships with her siblings, so I kind of understand the estranged family relationship, but only in a limited way. My husband's extended family is very complicated and they never see each other, even though they don't live very far. So that is another example I've been witnessing and processing as an adult. I will admit that I was quite shocked when I read that you hadn't even told your parents of the Beats' existence, I think that is when I truly grasped the enormity of the chasm between you. No judgement, you're reasons are your own and I'm sure they are very valid, but that was when I first realized what you were dealing with when it came to the separation with your family. It must be incredibly hard. <br /><br />I struggle a lot with human connection. I want it so much, but I realize that I also push it away, consciously and unconsciously. It's like my brain is not wired for it, but my heart craves it. It's a really, really hard combination to manage. I try to be present in the close relationships I'm lucky enough to have, but I'm always looking for a community of people I can fall back on, outside of my family, because I don't want to rely on them for everything. They can't possibly be all I need, that isn't a fair burden to put on anyone. <br /><br />Sorry, this is long and rambling. Your post has gotten me thinking a lot, but I'm not getting it down super coherently. I apologize for that. Perhaps I can think on it some more and write a post of my own...Noemihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12792217151905218101noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-17870381713343224022016-08-18T13:12:34.613-07:002016-08-18T13:12:34.613-07:00I admit that I find it hard to wrap my head around...I admit that I find it hard to wrap my head around family estrangement like you describe: while I can intellectually understand why it might happen, it's contradictory to my most basic, unquestioned assumptions: I don't have a lot of unquestioned assumptions, but "family will be there for me and vice versa" has always been one of them. I don't question that if needed I would give up all my material possessions and my time for my husband, mom, siblings and child. In my daughter's case, I would give up my life, but probably not for other family members since she is my responsibility and she takes precedence. There is no doubt in my mind my parents and husband felt/feel exactly the same and my siblings too. I value my friends, but it's in no way a comparable commitment. For me those relationships are the meaning of tribe: it just happens that due to various factors my tribe is quite small. Thank goodness It would be a lot of responsibility otherwise. But having said that I do understand the idea of seeking your identity outside that family tribe, because I did that too. It is such a privilege that we can do that in our society, whether by travel or Internet connections or by exposure and immersion in different cultures. I guess what is different in your case was you were basically forced to do so because your family wasn't meeting basic social needs. That had got to take a lot of courage, more so than simply the desire to explore or expand.torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-47618242527111500082016-08-18T06:46:15.490-07:002016-08-18T06:46:15.490-07:00Powerful post. I remember seeing things about Mary...Powerful post. I remember seeing things about Mary & Max, but I never saw it. It sounds so amazing, and yet so very sad (the missed in-person relationship). I think in situations like yours, you make your own family. I'm not sure I believe "blood is thicker than water." Although, now you have your own nuclear family and can try to foster better connections than you had, to make your own family part of your tribe. That is something that I am struggling with -- having this incredibly difficult time making my own family where maybe I can have the kind of family -- trusting, understanding, relatable -- that I feel I didn't exactly have. I love my family, and I see them, but it is hard to feel outside of it, to feel that things are superficial and not truly connected. I don't put that on whoever Mystery Baby might be, that's an unfair burden to bear, but I hope that I get the chance to have the family I wanted for myself, if that makes any sense. (I can't write about any of this on my blog because my family reads it, inconsistently, but it makes it impossible to process that element of things there.) Otherwise, I seek those connections in other people -- in friends I see in person or otherwise. :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.com