tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post7591843807921357599..comments2023-04-04T07:26:09.997-07:00Comments on Searching for our silver lining: #MicroblogMondays: FailCristyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-50377573761985351562016-08-11T08:07:19.998-07:002016-08-11T08:07:19.998-07:00Definitely a tricky situation. It truly sounds li...Definitely a tricky situation. It truly sounds like you picked up the pieces well all things considered - let her know that you were thinking of her, that you felt you'd dropped the ball, and that you were available to support. Like others have said, she's got the chance now to let you know what she needs - and that, at least in my experience, is really helpful. It was wonderful when people let me tell them what I needed instead of assuming and were available after that initial shock and awfulness. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-62149259711745025932016-08-05T02:52:47.529-07:002016-08-05T02:52:47.529-07:00I also agree that maybe the party wasn't the t...I also agree that maybe the party wasn't the time to be heart-to-heart supportive, so don't be so hard on yourself. Besides, in my experience, I needed support in the days and weeks afterwards, when the reality sinks in, rather than in the first day or two of bad news. Being there as an ear and shoulder to cry on when she's ready is a wonderful thing to do. Let her know you're available took do that. <br /><br />I know you won't offer the alternative options. You know she knows them already, and will have thought about them - or will be thinking of them now. She'll raise them with you if she wants to talk about them.<br />Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-41011824074958771692016-08-04T08:57:53.822-07:002016-08-04T08:57:53.822-07:00I have only two things to offer. 1: be gentle with...I have only two things to offer. 1: be gentle with yourself, for your intentions are loving. And 2: simply abide. Which I know you are really good at <3Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-18228247170770267812016-08-04T08:05:30.165-07:002016-08-04T08:05:30.165-07:00Oh, this is so hard. I think it really speaks to y...Oh, this is so hard. I think it really speaks to your incredible empathy that you are ruminating on it so much, that you are thinking on how you could have done more for your friend and what you could possibly say at this point that would be helpful to her. I know for myself that sometimes I wanted space and sometimes I wanted people to notice how sad I was, and while acknowledging that people aren't psychic there was often no real good way to go with me other than to just say something. I think just letting her know that you are there for her and following up with invitations to coffee or some other feasible in-person way to talk would be good. You can't know what she was thinking at the party (unless you've asked her) and you can't know if she feels as failed as you feel that you failed her. It's tricky. You are a great friend for thinking through this so much and I'm sure you will find a way to connect with your friend at this sad time and lift her up in whatever way she'll find helpful, even if it wasn't on the actual day. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-72927227864791957922016-08-03T12:55:18.955-07:002016-08-03T12:55:18.955-07:00Sorry about your rough day (and your friend's)...Sorry about your rough day (and your friend's). I tend to agree with the commenter who said that the party might not have been the best time to offer support, as your friend was probably trying to hold it together. While you might regret not saying something at the time, even just to acknowledge, I don't see how it's too late to do that now. People need support after the initial blow: it can take a few days or weeks to settle in....or even longer. Sometimes they need support MORE after the initial event: at first a person's numbing instincts can protect them a little, but when they've lived with the reality for a while, that can hurt even more. So, reach out, even imperfectly, see how she responds. Even though you can't 100% relate you can probably still relate more than many other people she knows. torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-47256642815435669762016-08-03T09:33:40.299-07:002016-08-03T09:33:40.299-07:00I'm not sure you "added to her pain."...I'm not sure you "added to her pain." Although I would want my friends to be available for me to talk to, I wouldn't want to do it at my daughter's birthday party. When I'm struggling to hold it together in "public" is not the time I want a shoulder to cry on - I want that shoulder in private moments. Obviously you know your friend best, but I'm hoping she felt as I do and that she wasn't the least bit troubled by the lack of conversation at the party but would appreciate your shoulder now.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-11665184543665587392016-08-03T01:56:30.707-07:002016-08-03T01:56:30.707-07:00*hugs* We all have hiccups from time to time. You&...*hugs* We all have hiccups from time to time. You've acknowledged that you dropped the ball for a short bit here to us, have you done the same to your friend? I am sure she will forgive you and embrace you and want to be embraced back. Go easy on yourself.JustHeatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05373768249873098150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-27860746671513481822016-08-02T19:19:04.855-07:002016-08-02T19:19:04.855-07:00This would be a really, really tough situation to ...This would be a really, really tough situation to navigate for anyone. Plus, coming up with the right thing to say can be so hard. The fact that you followed up with her after the fact says a lot about who you are as a person. Please try not to to beat yourself up. You're only human.<br /><br />Be present and available to support her and let her guide how she wants that to happen (and she might not want it at all). BentNotBrokenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10151724076659555122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-69742938961293148452016-08-02T18:47:43.807-07:002016-08-02T18:47:43.807-07:00I have made a lot more mistakes when it comes to s...I have made a lot more mistakes when it comes to supporting people who are hurting because of IF and/or loss than I'd care to admit. It's definitely hard to forgive ourselves when we blunder, but I hope you can show yourself the compassion you would surely show someone else that might make a similar mistake. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}Noemihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12792217151905218101noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-52982413601241128272016-08-02T18:41:06.151-07:002016-08-02T18:41:06.151-07:00It is so hard, but I think there are no perfect an...It is so hard, but I think there are no perfect answers. It's not as if you will be able to find that one thing that if done will make everything okay. Everything is not okay, and maybe that's just it. You have to sit with her while it's not okay. And maybe bring ice cream. Or give her a break with her husband so they can go out and mourn this without having to hold it together for their kid. Lollipop Goldsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4129722175911979282.post-39577749687116368162016-08-02T15:16:56.944-07:002016-08-02T15:16:56.944-07:00Christy,
Thank you so much for your raw truth. I ...Christy,<br />Thank you so much for your raw truth. I have passed your link on to several of my students having fertility, or bringing to full term, problems, as well as not knowing how to engage friends and family for the support they need. <br /><br />I hope you find your way to self-forgiveness soon; you'll have so much to offer in the way of loving kindness and support when you do.<br /><br />Thank you, JeanMarie MurphyAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13684982250890124648noreply@blogger.com