Sugar Beat

Fetal heartbeats. Something every IFer and RPLer waits for with baited breath following a BFP. Despite 3 yrs on this journey and 2 previous pregnancies, Grey and I have never seen a heartbeat. That magical moment that so many people gush over has been completely foreign to us. So when we were told to schedule an ultrasound for 6w3d, we didn't think much about it. Even as the date drew closer, we focused on distraction and burying ourselves in work.

Last night the reality of the following day hit us like a ton of bricks. Neither of us slept well, making for an interesting day in general (thankfully, I managed to not pass out in lecture, despite the repeated attempts).

By the time I picked Grey up to head to the clinic this afternoon, despite feeling like I was about to lose my lunch, I was a wreak. All the "what ifs" and worse case scenarios were playing through my head. Somehow we managed to not only get to the clinic, but park without me losing it. And then it was up 10 floors to the all familiar waiting room, the whole time me bracing myself for bad news.

Only this time, there was no bad news. Instead there is a mixture of good and "hmm" news.

The good news: We have a heartbeat. A strong heartbeat at 113 bpm with the embryo measuring at 7.4 mm. I honestly thought that after all these years Grey and I would tear up when we saw this. Instead we could only stare at the tiny flicker that appeared on the screen.

The "hmm" news: There appears to be a second sac. The ultrasound tech zoomed in and out, focusing on different levels, but couldn't get any more information than the fact that there may be something else there. Initially our IVF coordinator/nurse told us that it was likely a vanishing twin and told us to schedule a second ultrasound for 2 weeks from now. Then we ran into Dr. Smile on our way out and she told us she wants us to come back next week for a follow up.

Needless to say, both Grey and I know that we're both suppose to be elated, but I think we're in shock. After the appointment, we went to a local coffee shop to process. After a disjointed and absentminded game of checkers, we both realized how out of practice we were with getting good news. Hopefully sleep will remedy.

On a good note, Grey has decided on a name for our embryo: Sugar Beat. His reasoning is that it has both a heartbeat and is sweet. That and the fact that he recently was introduced to the classic song from Seasame Street.