Sluggish. That's how I've been feeling following a month of terrible news.
First we were hit with the unexpected realization of a badly worded resale certificate, resulting in a roller coaster in the real estate world.
Then we got more news that hit us on a financial front.
Following that came the explosion following the Brock Turner rape case.
Then Orlando.
And finally an alligator attack and news in this community about much wanted children lost too soon.
By Friday all my body wanted to do was sleep. Sleep to heal. Sleep to find peace as me being conscious wasn't bringing any.
Growing up, I remember venturing out into the world following a severe storm. People would cautiously pick their way through the debris, assessing the damage and making note of what was salvageable. But what I also remember is a sense of slowness that would come. Some referred to it as the calm and make note of the peace that had finally returned. But that never felt right. Instead it was a period of blah; a moment where "why do I care?" seemed to be on everyone's lips.
A tipping point.
Walking out into the world today, I still feel that tipping point. Those moments where others seem to walk through a haze of not knowing to care. My body still feels it too.
And I wonder, what will be the rally call to dispense of these blahs? What will wake the world up from the numbness of the pain? Usually there are multiple messages. The question is, which one will win out?
*Hugs* I hope the terribleness, for you and the world, is done for a while. Cleaning up always takes a bit to get it back to a familiar semblance of calm again.
ReplyDeleteThat is a lot to process, the personal, the community, and the national events. I'm sorry to hear about the financial news along with the real estate issues. Those are tough setbacks.
ReplyDeleteOrlando and the Brock Turner case are...I don't even have the words to sum up the outrage, sadness, and oh, so many other emotions. So much awfulness. The toddler and the alligator - my heart just hurts for that family.
Like you say, the sluggishness isn't really a calm so much as a lack of energy and numbness which eventually goes away. I've always thought of it like frostbite - the numbness at first but then having to work through all the emotions that come back to life with thawing. That it's a necessary process but difficult and at times, painful. I hear the apprehension about what will kickstart the process, though.
Wishing you peace and healing as you move towards the wake up. Hoping the same for our world and nation.
The news has been awful, which is enough to give anyone the blahs, never mind the personal challenges you face. Sorry you had a bad month. I think that period of inertia can be useful for thinking things through, so as not to judge or act too hastily. I come from a family of (argumentative)engineers and technologists, so despite being quite touchy feely in some ways I definitely believe in facing challenges with cold hard logic. Sometimes you need to let the feelings wash over you and away before you can clearly see what is beneath them. :-) But also, I believe that each of us makes a real and meaningful difference just by being a decent human being each and every day. So don't discount that.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry the last weeks have been tough, on all fronts. I love your continued storm analogy...that picking up the pieces time when your life is still in shambles but the news or people's interest has moved on, I can see that as the blahs. The news has been just downright depressing lately, and I'm so sorry your personal news has been also terrible. I always hope when there's so much tragedy in the world that it will bring people together instead of tearing them apart, be met with love instead of hate and blame. I hope. I also hope your storms and debris-sifting time are over.
ReplyDeleteThere's been a lot to handle for your family and I'm sending you lots of love!! I hope the next few days and months bring some much-needed peace!
ReplyDeleteYou put it so well with a "sense of slowness." Things do seem lately to be coming at us faster than we can process it all, doesn't it? In a common sense and for some of us individually.
ReplyDeleteYet, there are pockets of wonderful in the middle of things :-) Like lunches with friends.
It reminds me of a time a tornado came through Madison and emerging from the basement after the storm and seeing all the trees down and debris. I don't know what is going to turn things around. Or if it can only be turned around for a short period of time before it goes back into another storm.
ReplyDeleteThese are tough questions. The answers will come. I suspect time will have a lot to do with it too. Hoping you're working through your period of blah right now. Sending love.
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