I've been in a weird spot recently with so much going on and so many thoughts on each topic. And because of this so much, I've found myself unable to properly sit down and really put to words the emotions and thoughts attached with each event or post.
How the shootings in Baton Rouge and Minneapolis, highlighted in Justine's post corresponded with a small claims court case where the man suing our condo association repeated use racist and bigoted terminology in the court room. Of a decade of harassment and abuse coming to a close due to the rulings of a judge.
Or about Mali's recent series on "Putting your mind to it" brought up my own reflections on privilege and unspoken advantages.
Or how Mel's recent posts on Truman have me teary-eyed while remembering the two furry ones I lost too soon.
Or this post has me remembering the pain for not so long ago.
And then there's the high from having to turn down two amazing job opportunities because I'm not ready to transition out of this postdoc. But to maintain those connections with the goal of actually building more opportunities next year.
Too many thoughts. Too much emotion. Hopefully my thoughts will sort out soon.
It's great you have a lot to say! Look forward to reading it. Mr Turtle and I were talking about many, many things over anniversary dinner yesterday evening and something that came up was how blogs validate our inner voices and conflicts and stories. There's so much externalized conflict these days and I think it's good to remember that there are other ways of releasing conflict and tension, such as writing and reflecting.
ReplyDeleteThat is a lot of stuff to process, for sure. So many things out in the world at large, and then the personal tragedies and funks, that kind of drown out the highs. Congrats on the two job opportunities, even if the time isn't right it's lovely to be wanted. Thinking of you as you sort and process all the many, many things that are out there, needing the sorting and processing.
ReplyDeleteI've felt both like I have so much to say, and like I have nothing new to say. So much fear, and pain, and confusion.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, though, on the job opportunities. I interviewed recently for something I'm not sure I'm ready for either, and everyone thought I was a shoe-in. I haven't heard back yet, but I was hoping that they wouldn't want me after all, so I wouldn't have to decide. It's strange to be happy where I am, even if I do have other goals for the not-so-distant future. Wishing you peace in your heart, and peace in the world. I wish you were somewhere I could invite you for a calming cup of tea. :)
Having so much to say yet not having the time or focus to sit down and write it all out is a feeling with which I am well acquainted. I have my own post on Minneapolis/Baton Rouge/Dallas/Baton Rouge/Politics/privilege/racism/policing practices/gun violence/etc. brewing too, but doing the research to write it how I want is taking it's toll on me.
ReplyDeleteWell done on being offered two jobs! Now might not have been the right timing, but you should feel good that you nailed two offers!
Glad to hear that the condo lawsuit thing is nearing closure. Not knowing the backstory, it sounds like hell.
Anyway, sorry for the long comment. I've been meaning to email you (but can't find your email address) to tell you that I think you're pretty awesome and to thank you for all of your support.
Sometimes I think we just have to ride out events and give thoughts time to come together. It's never an easy process though, but when it's all we can do, there's no point rushing it. Just breathe.
ReplyDeleteBut also - how fabulous to have job opportunities to turn down. Enjoy that feeling.
I've been feeling similarly. There is SO much going on and I have thoughts and opinions, but I feel like they're still a bit jumbled in my brain. And the topics aren't ones I just want to "brain dump" onto the internet.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the two job opportunities. Even if you aren't in a place to accept, it's good you're maintaining the connections :)
Sometimes you just have to roll with the emotions, leaving any detailed thought or analysis until you have been able to separate yourself from it a little. I've been feeling overwhelmed lately too - I just wanted to shout "STOP!" at the world yesterday, as I think we're all feeling as if we need a break. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteAnd congratulations on the ego boost of having a couple of job opportunities.
A lot going on, for sure. Glad the chapter in small claims court is over. Cool (and unsurprising) that you're wanted by employers, and that you're clear on your own path. Lots to sort...
ReplyDeleteThe highs and the lows. It's nice to know that exciting things are waiting you in the future when the post-doc work is done. But the world is making my heart heavy. It seems unreal every time I read the news.
ReplyDeleteI hate the equation when my blog post ideas/inspiration significantly outnumber my time to sit down and write out it.
ReplyDeleteSending good energy your way, and I hope things are sorted out for you soon.
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