Sitting on the bus back to campus, I finished the last page of Julia Leigh's Avalanche: A Love Story and felt like I had been stunned. The emotions welling up in me, combined with my own memories of fertility treatments, reveal a tangled web that still requires more picking.
In an attempt to make sense of the emotions, I do a web-search looking to see what others have to say about Julia's book. One of the first hits reveals a review from the New York Times by Rachel Cusk. As I read, the numbness is replacing by hot anger.
This week, Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos is hosting a blog book tour for Avalanche. Already some have asked why this is necessary. For those who wonder, I invite you to read Ms. Cusk's review as she illustrates beautifully how much we need to be talking openly about infertility. Ms. Cusk opens her review by drawing a comparison between those who want to be successful writers and those who undergo fertility treatments, stating early on that the chance of success is extremely low and both parties are knowingly setting themselves up for heartache. That somehow we are asking for pain upon pain in the pursuit to grow our families. The utter lack of empathy is clear from the first paragraph.
The sad part is most people share Ms. Cusk's opinion. Most see infertility as something we brought on ourselves. Be if we waited too long or that we aren't deserving or that parenting isn't part of a higher-power's plan for us or maybe that we did something to cause all of this. We absolutely deserve this in their eyes.
Infertility isn't the first disease to face such stigma. 100 yrs ago, the American Cancer Society was founded during a period when a similar mindset was inflicted those diagnosed with cancer. It was through public education and stories, both of survivors and family, that changed how we view cancer today. But this only came because stories were shared, like Julia's memoir, Belle Bogg's recent book The Art of Waiting as well as many other books (Pamela's Silent Sororty, etc), this community of bloggers/tweeters/etc and even those who've chosen to share their journey, no matter the stage. The truth is, we need to talk about infertility and what it does to a person, a couple, a family and even a community.
I couldn't agree with you more. I am just over halfway through Avalanche, and it is stirring up so much for me. And her writing is gorgeous, just gorgeous. Too bad Rachel Cusk couldn't see that through her cold lens she viewed the book through. Devoid of empathy is absolutely right. It had so little to do with the book and so much to do with her own thoughts on infertility, which came across quite smug and judgy to me. Argh. I look forward to Pamela's Book Blog Tour, and finishing the book, hopefully tonight.
ReplyDeleteI need to read this book. I just shaky my head at this review. Talk about completely turning infertility around to be the fault of the woman.
ReplyDeleteI agree with every single word of this. I wasn't going to participate in the book tour because I really don't have time right now to do it, but after I read the NYT review, I knew that I had to make the time.
ReplyDeleteI read the review. I was intrigued, at least a little, by Cusk's initial comparison of infertiles seeking treatment to fledgling writers seeking publication. I've been in both camps, although I long ago decided I didn't care about being a published writer. But then Cusk got caught up in her own pompous nonsense about creativity and motherhood and blah blah blah. We are mammals. We assume we can have babies, regardless of whether we want them or not or how complicated are the various emotions surrounding parenthood. Coming through the whole review is the vaguely disturbing notion that children are a boutique item for the privileged, rather than a (generally) common part of human experience. It wouldn't be fair to blame Cusk for this, it goes beyond her. But she had a chance to possibly say something intelligent about infertility, and instead it sounds like she's trying to show how much smarter she is than other women.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree. Given Ms Cusk's own history with parenthood and divorce (she wrote a play called Medea, who was a mythical enchantress who murdered her children in an act of revenge against her lover, which is pretty telling), one would expect understanding of being seen outside the norm. And yet, it's clear on this topic Cusk feels superior to every people going through this trauma. It's terribly sad.
DeleteWhen I read comments on articles about IVF, I am often both saddened and angered by the things some people say. Like how IVF is unnatural and people should either just accept that they can't have kids or adopt. Or hurtful things like "some people are just not meant to be parents". It is sad how infertility still has such a stigma around it and it can be seen as something shameful you can't talk openly about.
ReplyDeleteI felt the same anger after reading Cusk's review. I haven't read Avalanche, but I have been waiting for Belle Boggs' book (the other book she barely mentioned in her review) to come out (she teachers at the uni where I work)and I have been following her on social media for years. Cusk was so cold and cerebral, and it was obvious she didn't understand. I thought Elissa Strauss made good points in her rebuttal to Cusk's review: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/09/07/rachel_cusk_s_latest_book_review_is_a_lesson_in_how_not_to_write_about_infertility.html
ReplyDeleteThat review is why I don't read the New York Times anymore. I'm not saying WashPo is perfect (their Snowden op-ed this week is a case in point), but there have been too many frustrating articles in NYT.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this Cristy. I was just fuming after Cusk's review - the arrogance and condescension she clearly feels for infertile women was gobsmacking!
ReplyDeleteThe cancer analogy is quite apt. Difficult as it is for me to speak publicly to friends & family about infertility, stillbirth & childlessness, I find the older I get and the more time that passes, the more comfortable I am becoming in addressing these topics. While we still have a long way to go (obviously), I can see the difference, the growing confidence and rising volume in the childless/free community between now & when I first started blogging almost (gulp) nine years ago -- and it's quite heartening. :)
ReplyDeleteI too loved Elissa Strauss's review of Cusk's review in Slate: "Cusk’s sideways dismissal of the experience of women going through infertility treatment, the sharpest corner in a largely amorphous piece, is a great illustration of why we need more writing on the subject. The review may not be an endorsement of the books themselves, but it stands as proof as to why they are necessary."
Good for you Cristy! As someone who's both gone through infertility & is a professional writer... so typical... people look at your life from the outside and decide what it's destined (or doomed) to be, not even considering that it looks & feels totally different from the inside.
ReplyDeleteWhat a poor analogy. I'm glad you addressed it here so well.
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