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Tomorrow the Beats have surgery to remove their ear tubes. It's been 2 years since their last set has been placed (and 2 years since She-Beat's cholesteotoma surgery) and as the tubes haven't fallen out (T-tubes rarely do), its time for them to be removed.
Despite this being routine, I'm nervous. Nervous for the anesthesia, nervous about them cutting into both my babies. Nervous about the risks involved and the what ifs. Sure, this isn't major surgery and it could be a lot worse (as someone who clearly has never gone through this kindly reminded me this morning). And this needs to be done. Plus we have a good surgeon doing these surgeries; something I spent close to 3 months navigate insurance in order to secure.
Still, what if something doesn't go as it should? What if this time something happens that's different?
And why can't I just trade places with both of them, having the doctors cut into me instead? All for the same benefit to them, but any and all risks being on my body instead.
Hugs and good thoughts to you. Just because "it could be worse" doesn't mean this isn't scary or that you can't want to switch places. Thinking of the Beats.
ReplyDeleteI've been there before (different procedure, and our boy was barely two), and I completely relate to the nervousness. Sending you all tons of positive energy and hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh man, thinking of you and the Beats... even if it's somewhat routine, surgery is terrifying. It will be okay, but I feel like surgery on children is always so hard on the parents. They are like rubber bands, they bounce back so well, but it's downright traumatic (according to my friends whose children have had various surgeries). I'll be thinking of you, totally get the instinct to be like, TAKE ME INSTEAD! Sending you love.
ReplyDeleteLots of love. I'll be thinking about them tomorrow. And for you, for your heart and worries.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs. It's awful when we feel helpless.
ReplyDeleteReally hoping the surgery goes well today and that they have a smooth recovery!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you all right now. Sending you waves of love and healing and a smooth process for all. xo
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