they doubted you
they laughed on you
they never believed you
they were sure about your failure
you heard them
you started believing the same
you failed you injured
you started thinking
you realized it was not the truth
you started again
they were same
you ignored them
you won the battle
you defeated the luck
it was not their thoughts in the first time which
gave you failure
it was your assumption of failure
which made it happen
do what they say you cannot do
believe in your words which your heart says to
your mind
never allow someone to control your actions
believe in you
be the you...!
they never believed you
they were sure about your failure
you heard them
you started believing the same
you failed you injured
you started thinking
you realized it was not the truth
you started again
they were same
you ignored them
you won the battle
you defeated the luck
it was not their thoughts in the first time which
gave you failure
it was your assumption of failure
which made it happen
do what they say you cannot do
believe in your words which your heart says to
your mind
never allow someone to control your actions
believe in you
be the you...!
~Believe by Shaddha Bhatt
My morning started with one of the co-instructors apologizing to the class for my poor performance. Patting himself on the back for being able to deliver the material in a manner that they will enjoy and promising improvement in the future. This thinly-veiled insult is one that normally I would fight. Except for the fact that it's not worth the fight given I'm leaving and I also know his evaluations have traditionally been low.
Still, it's these moments where the doubt could creep in. Where it becomes apparent that some exist in the world solely to cut others down in order to advance their own interests, often unsuccessfully.
This past weekend was spent revamping my CV and preparing for a phone interview today. All on the heels of a lot more rejection letters. It would be so easy to slip into a state of believing I'm somehow worthless and deficient. But after the hours spent reworking my applications, I saw that actually the opposite is true. It's just a matter of getting my foot in the door.
And believe that I can do so.
I am stunned that your co-instructor did that. Whatever happened to collegial support and working as a team? Argh! I'm angry on your behalf.
ReplyDeleteThen I read the second half of the post. Yes! Believe. We believe in you. I'm glad you do now too.
Believe in yourself. You can do this!
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell? Why would your co-instructor EVER say those things in front of students? Big no-no. WTF.
ReplyDeleteI believe in you! You can do it. A foot in the door can be the hardest part, and it isn't about being deficient. You are so much! You can do this.
My jaw is literally hanging open at what your co-instructor did to you. That's absolutely horrible! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that kind of behavior.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this. I'm with Mali - know we're all backing you and glad that you are believing in yourself.
Ugh that sucks. I'm sorry you've felt undermined. I've felt that way at times too. And yes you just have to affirm what you are doing and move on. Can't control what others do, though sometimes it is helpful to call them on their crap.
ReplyDeleteWhat a Loser with a capital L. Only a person who feels so small on the inside would need to make someone else appear small.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are a Class Act with all caps.
Holy cow!! Like the others, I am angry on your behalf. I am tempted to say you should report/file a grievance against your co-instructor. If he undermined you like that in front of the students, he'll do it to someone else down the road. Although I agree that it's probably not worth the fight, especially if you're leaving (and who can blame you, if that's the atmosphere...?!), and that you have enough other headaches to deal with right now as it is...! Onward to better things...!
ReplyDelete