The goal of this week, after talking the talk about needing to embrace the positive, has been working on actually doing it. At first glance, this should be an easy enough endeavor. Classes are over, which allows me to work on tackling other things that have been neglected for so long, workers are here today replacing our heating system (with a promise that I'll have heat by this evening . . .) and tomorrow is busy with secondary interviews and potential future projects.
But old habits die hard, especially when the gatekeepers have a role in enforcing those habits. My dreams of late have been manifestations of all the wrong that my brain predicts will happen, making it hard to fight back.
To counter this, I've been taking an approach of one positive item daily, enlisting the Beats in helping me in this endeavor. The result has been this advent calendar, with a simple activity of making an ornament to paste on it, counting down the days till Christmas.
There's been other rituals I've slowly been adding: a scheduled walk with a cup of Earl Grey, scheduling time to visit friends or do other winter-themed activities. Making a point to celebrate the small victories.
The hardest, though, has been putting into practice the visualizations of the future we want. Of forcing myself once again to believe that things will not only work out, but will be better than if I had stayed put doing nothing.
So I'm counting down, making plans and forcing myself to prepare. Because at the end of the day, steeling doesn't make the pain of loss and failure any less; the joy that comes from envisioning a road forward does.
This may sound woo-woo, but I wonder if, instead of forcing yourself to believe, you could more effortlessly open to the possibilities of things working out. My own teacher teaches that we don't need to ADD goodness and worthiness to us. Rather, we need to REMEMBER (and claim) our true magnificence and ability to create our lives.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm...it's a good message for me to remember, too.
P.S. I love the rituals you are doing.
ReplyDeleteLove the advent calendar! :)
ReplyDeleteAll those little rituals sound very good! I agree—the hardest is changing the self talk. I've never been great at that, but I try to do self care in other ways like actually doing something that makes me feel better.
ReplyDeleteWhat lovely rituals! Lots of sickness in our family so we don’t have any Christmas anything up yet. You keep fighting the good fight: you can make all the positive change happen!
ReplyDeleteThe advent calendar is cute!
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