Today is interview #1 for Grey at a local company. Tomorrow is about him packing and reorganizing his presentation, preparing for interview #2 on Friday.
In the middle of all of this has been me preparing for the beginning of the semester, figuring out appointments and planning and trying to will myself to apply for jobs when I have zero clue what lies ahead (or where we will be located). All while avoiding questions about what my future plans on.
Because of this, I've been finding myself pulling away from others. On Saturday we missed a neighborhood party, our second one, opting instead to have a family movie night. All with me finding it hard to express why we are doing this; revealing to others all the turmoil that is in my head seems too risky.
The problem is, I know Grey and I need support right now. With so much uncertainty, having some form of support and encouragement would ease some of the stress. But I'm also use to people becoming very uncomfortable when we share all that is happening. The well-meaning warnings of our plans brings it's own anxiety and I'm unwilling to fight with others over the decisions we feel need to be made.
Still, I need to figure out a way to thaw; to let others in if for no other reason than to let them know we do care, but life is filled with uncertainty at the moment. That they don't need to fix anything or somehow offer a light at the end of the tunnel. Because right now the loneliness of navigating this road is an added weight. Something I wish i could relieve.
It is a tricky road to walk. You have so much going on that it's no wonder you want to turn inward to conserve energy. But also you may want to receive support, just not in ways that result in a net loss of energy.
ReplyDeleteYour community here is giving you unconditional support. We are with you. I don't usually speak for others, but on this issue I feel confident.
Hugs lady...always here for you as you have been for me. And Lori is right...I don't think it's just me and her. It's a tough place to be, but we are with you.
ReplyDeleteI understand the impulse to keep your cards close to your vest, because it's my nature to keep my mouth shut too. On the other hand, though, you never know who might have a good connection to offer in your job search... or a good HVAC tech recommendation ;) ...or a good lead on alternate housing. At any rate, yes, all of us here are with you! <3
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