Being a good Midwestern girl, I'm very familiar with Hail Mary passes. A term used in American football, they are very, very long forward passes made in a moment of desperation with little to no chance of success. During my youth, I witness a number of Hail Marys, each one met with a shaking of the head and a sigh. Of course, you think. It was bound to fail.
And yet, there's still that chance. The hope that they will work. Because when they do, you feel like you've witnessed a miracle.
This is our final round of fertility treatments and I have very little faith this will work. And yet, I hope. I hope with my whole being for some sort of miracle. Hence, this is our Hail Mary FET
Calendar:
April 28, 2012: AF arrives. Month of allowing my body to recover from this last miscarriage is over
April 30, 2012: Begin BCPs. Final beta to confirm that HCG levels are at baseline (beta = 1). Have AMH levels checked = 3.4.
May 7, 2012: Saline Infused Sonogram (SIS) to determine whether there is any scarring from D&C in January or if fibroid is causing an issue. SIS reveals nothing, we are cleared for FET.
May 20, 2012: Last day of BCPs (thank the universe!!!).
May 21, 2012: Start Estrace, 2x day.
June 1, 2012: Increase Estrace to 3x day.
June 5, 2012: Baseline appointment with Dr. Sage.
-Given all clear.
-Ovaries are quiet. Lining measures at 10.1 mm. E2 levels at 396
June 7, 2012: Drop Estrace to 2x day; start doxycycline (2x day), Medrol (1x day) and Crinone (2x day; joy)
June 12, 2012: Frozen Embryo Transfer #2.
FET#2: Transfer two blastocyts: 4AA and 3BB.
HPT on 6/21 = BFN
Beta on 6/22 = 0
Heartbroken and healing.
I am still amazed when reading your posts at how you so wonderfully create a picture that we can relate to. I love the analogy of the Hail Mary FET. This so perfectly describes this journey of starts, stops, broken dreams, high hopes & last ditch efforts.
ReplyDeleteKnow that you are in my thoughts - sending you cross-country hugs!
I have always thought hail mary passes are a pretty brave call in the great game of football. Some say desperation plays a bigger role... I say it's guts and bravery and faith. And you have all of those things for giving this another try, despite your doubts. I have tremendous respect for you, and believe that your strength will serve you well as you navigate through your grief and then embrace the miracle of (open?) adoption! I am honored to be a cheerleader on the sidelines as you take the field and continue to demonstrate your bravery and determination to claim your victory over IF. And I have faith that you will do just that.
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