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10:30 pm. She-Beat lets out a whine to let us know she's awake and unhappy about being in her crib. The sound of me approaching her room causes her to jump up in her crib, leaning over in anticipation. Grey and I have tried ignoring her during these wake-ups, hoping that she'll simply fall back to sleep. Instead, we've learned the only thing that works in taking her downstairs for some one-on-one time. Playing quietly or cuddling on the couch.
This night is no different, except for a looming sense of anxiety on my end. I know she's aware as she immediately puts my face in her hands and gives me a hard stare. A quick kiss follows ending with a hug where I can feel her melting into me. Quietly I wipe away the tears, instead focusing on her being pressed into my chest.
In 7 days, She-Beat has her surgery. In 7 days, the Beats turn two.
Back in June, we knew the irony of this event landing on their birthday. With memories of all the craziness that happened almost 2 years ago. In a strange way, there's calm around this knowledge. She's so young that it's unlikely she'll remember and yet it highlights how strong they both are as they've already had to overcome the odds before. In addition, we are lucky to have two excellent surgeons overseeing this surgery. Still, as the date approaches, my anxiety has increased. I'm scared of what will happen. Wishing it was me that would be going under the knife instead of her.
On Sunday, we'll celebrate their birthday. A day at the park with access to a wading pool. Their friends and teachers from school have been invited with the only request being they come and play; a day to forget what is looming and focus instead on celebrating them coming into the world.
One week till surgery to remove the cholesteatoma. One more week to pray and prepare.
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