Almost 9 years ago, Grey and I made a trip to Washington DC to help Lucas and Moon with their almost 3 month old twins. Over the course of those 10 days, we would not only bond with the babies, but Grey and I would come to a tearful agreement that it was time to expand our own family.
Little did we know what would lie ahead; the heartache, the pain, the loss and the darkness all caused by loss and infertility. The idea of something so simple that would become so tainted and a myth shattered with the reality that far too many face.
4 years later, that chapter would end when Maddy and Teddy came into the world. Though there was much celebration, the healing that needed to happen would take almost another 5 years.
On Sunday, Grey, Teddy, Maddy and I made our way down to the Monterey Bay Aquarium to spend the day with Lucas, Moon and the cousins to celebrate Teddy and Maddy's 5th birthday. And in that space, there was a moment where all those babies we held and cared for were hand-in-hand, guiding one another through the exhibits and sharing their excitement.
The truth is this moment didn't make infertility right or worthwhile. All the pain and loss of those that died in my womb cannot be justified by this sight, but seeing them all hand-in-hand ushered in more healing to reenforce the scar-tissue to those very deep wounds. Just a simple reminder that there is always a reason to fight towards the light.
So beautiful. I love this glimpse of the children that you held and hoped for, all together in one of the most beautiful places (favorite aquarium EVER). And I love your statement that while it's beautiful, and healing, it's not a trite "And this makes it all worth it" thing. It eases the pain, it doesn't erase it.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why I'm sitting here sobbing all of a sudden. . .
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, I agree with Jess. So beautiful to see these four precious ones together. So beautiful to know that you've made it through the reality that came after the shattered myth. So heart-wrenching to understand that even being 'through' doesn't make it completely ok.
I am beyond glad to see the Beats enjoying this time, and you enjoying it as well. Celebrate every moment in the light you can!
Way to acknowledge and embrace the yin and yang of it all!
ReplyDeleteI hope the birthday celebrations were fabulous.
The photo in itself is lovely, but the story behind it takes it to another level. Gorgeous post.
ReplyDeleteVery beautiful and the reality of kids after infertility. It never truly goes away, however the feelings and emotions do change to an extent.
ReplyDeleteAwwww....!! No, this doesn't make everything OK. But it's still pretty wonderful, on its own merits!
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