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Tuesday, July 28, 2015

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Yesterday at 10:30 am, Grey, my MIL and I packed up She-Beat to head in for surgery. I've been mentally blocking how this day would unfold, so the drive in was a bit surreal. We ended up having a 3 hour wait as the cases ahead of She-Beat's were taking much longer than expected. As we waited, my anxiety grew causing me to be more snappy and jittery. I knew we needed to do this surgery to remove the cholesteatoma, but the thought of them cutting into her made me want to gather her up and run as far away as possible.

Finally we were called back to a room for surgical prep. After what seemed like forever, the surgical team was ready to take her back to the operating room. Dressed in booties, a hair net and disposable surgical gown, I carried my 2-yr old daughter back, focusing on calming her down and telling her we loved her. Not wanting to let her go or leave her as they helped her fall asleep.

The long and the short of it is that She-Beat's surgery was both successful and abnormally fast. Usually removing cholesteatomas is a 3-4 hour surgery involving MRI or CAT scan to map the growth, followed by surgery through the back of the ear to remove it. She-Beat's cholesteatoma was extremely small, so MRI was already ruled unnecessary. What surprised the surgeon was how easy it was to remove. He quickly found it, sucked it out and then spent the rest of the time making sure he truly had removed it. All done through the ear channel meaning that the surgery was very minor. The results have been a super fast recovery, with only minor pain medicine required. Watching her devour her dinner last night, my MIL commented that one wouldn't know she had even undergone surgery that day. And I am beyond thankful for how lucky we've been.

Still, the trauma from this experience left me in tears. Finding a secluded bathroom while She-Beat was in surgery, I finally allowed the fear washed over me. I cried over having to do this; over having to hold her while they administered the anesthesia because it was so evident how terrified she was. I cried as I allowed my mind to go to the worst case scenario. I cried because it was my job to protect her and I felt like I had failed her.

Two years ago, as I lay on the operating table and listened as the Beats were pulled from my body, I made a promise to them that I would do what ever was required to protect them and help them thrive. The irony of being back in an operating room two years later still has me shaken. Granted, I knew what to do differently. As She-Beat struggled from pain, I knew to advocate for pain medicine so she could function. I knew the importance of picking up her prescription. I knew the importance of her resting and taking time to heal. And once again, I made sure to work with her medical team to get her home as soon as possible.

Despite all of that and the success of yesterday, I can firmly say I never want to go through this again. That though I'm grateful for access to an amazing team of surgeons and physicians, I am also hoping this is the last surgery either of the Beats will ever have to experience.

I'll end this rambling post by thanking everyone who reached out via comments, email and text for their support during this time. Both Grey and I are eternally grateful for the support and love.

17 comments:

  1. I am so glad to hear She-Beat's surgery went smoothly. But I can imagine what a difficult and emotional situation it is no matter the circumstances. You are doing great. Hoping for a speedy recovery. xoxoxox

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  2. Thank you so much for the update. I'm so glad things turned out so well. Exhale!

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  3. So very happy for all of you that the surgery was a success and that it went quicker than expected. Sending hugs to all of you!

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  4. SO glad that the surgery was easier and faster than expected! And so wonderful to hear that she is recovering well! Sending hugs!

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  5. I am so relieved that it's behind you and the focus is now on moving forward and recovery. Congratulations on the surgery going smoothly.

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  6. Oh Cristy, I've been waiting for this. I cried tears of relief for you as I read this.... I can completely feel how scared you were. I am SO glad that this all worked out. Huge hugs to you guys. What a little hero you have there. Takes after her mama.

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  7. What great news! I'm so glad that She-Beat rocked the surgery and that it was easier than expected. Now you can breathe a big sigh of relief. I also hope that this is the only surgery either of the Beats ever have to experience.

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  8. I'm so relieved to hear that She-Beat did well and everything turned out fine! I know from experience that having to put your child through that is devastating, it truly tears you apart. When my son, at 3 had to have an endocopy, while everyone was chatting and passing the time, I was in tears, wracked with guilt and worry. But we know we have to get through it, because it's necessary to keeping our kids healthy. She did amazing and so did you, Mama! You were strong and you were there for her and now it is behind you.

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  9. Ugh, that had to be so incredibly scary. I'm so glad She-Beat did so well and the process went so smoothly!

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  10. Wow! so great that it all went so smoothly. Happy to hear She-Beat is recovering quickly. Sending you healing thoughts! Hugs to all of you!

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  11. I'm SO SO SO glad everything went well! I'm sorry I didn't get in touch more around this time. I'm sure it was not an easy thing to go through. Give both babies a kiss for me!

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  12. Like everyone else, I'm thrilled it all went so well. Sending hugs, and hoping you all recover from the trauma very quickly.

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  13. Huge sigh of relief as I read this. Thank goodness it went well and She-Beat is recovering at a rapid pace. These things are never easy and no one wants to see their child on an operating table. I would have had a break down also. Many hugs.

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  14. So glad that it went well and She-Beat is recovering quickly.

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  15. I am so glad everything went so smoothly. It doesn't take away the trauma of seeing your baby going under anesthesia and struggling with pain, but it is wonderful that it didn't have to be as involved as it could have been. I'm glad it seemed like she hadn't even been in surgery so quickly. I hope you all heal up from this traumatic experience soon.

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  16. Very late commenting on this, but I'm absolutely thrilled with this news. You guys deserve a bit of break, I'm so glad She-Beat is recovering nicely!

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  17. So glad everything went so well!! Sending (((hugs)))).

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