Last week was one of mixed emotions. Grey and I are still over the moon from all the good news we received about the Beats, which has allowed us to start taking cautious steps towards preparing for their arrival. A strange thing to think about, but also something we're finding those around us in real life are embracing. But with all this good news has come the question those closest to us ask in a quieter and concerned tone: "Have you told your parents?"
Quick recap on my history for those of you who haven't been following from the beginning: I haven't spoken to my family in almost 2 yrs. My childhood was one that I don't consider overly unusual, but it's clear my mother is both emotionally and physically abusive and my father is an enabler. The "straw" that resulted in this lack of contact was when my mother pushed for Grey and me to adopted my second cousin after he had been removed from his mother's care due to repeated incidents of neglect and violence. When it became clear that they were willing to sacrifice me in order to support the family dysfunction, I knew it was time to remove myself from the madness.
Fast forward to present day. To my knowledge, my family knows nothing about that's happened over the past couple of years. No clue we underwent IVF, no idea about our losses and certainly no understanding of all the heartache and the grief we've lived through. And they don't know about the Beats.
And I naively believed that as long as I didn't say anything, they never would.
Last week before the anatomy scan, Grey and I had our meetings with both David and Dee where this issue came up. The second I told them that I had no intention to inform my family about the Beats, but David and Dee gave me a look that said "um, but they're still going to find out." Probing this further resulted in a very panicky Cristy, as this wasn't something I had considered. After all, in my mind I had zero idea how they would find out. Outside of an uncle that lives in the area, who know all about the fallout, we've told no one about our news. But the further Dee and David pushed this point, the clearer it became that it really was a matter of time. That somehow there would either be a slip or, due to the internet, some hint that would lead to them discovering the Beats.
And that knowledge frightens me to my very core.
Here's the worst case scenario: come late summer or fall, my family learns about these two. Cue my parents and anyone else who's feeling righteous hopping a plane and arriving on my front stoop. Suddenly, instead of focusing on getting these two here safely and in healthy of a state as possible, Grey and I are thrusted back into the dysfunction, fighting off the insanity from those who decided long ago that infertility was a just punishment for me and Grey for not playing the game. Trust me, I've been down that rabbit hole one too many times and the only situation where it gets any beter is when I've given in and allowed myself to be the whipping boy.
The past week I've been trying to figure out what to do to prepare for when my family finds out. Initially Dee suggested that I simply send them a birth announcement, similar to when my sister sent her wedding invitation. But the problem with this approach is that it opens the lines of communication. And I'm not ready to deal with the madness that is involved with going down that rabbit hole. To do so means I have to sacrifice my family, these two wonderful beings who deserve so much more. So that leaves only a second alternative, which is to prepare for the storm. To fortify the ourselves for the backlash that is sure to come when they learn about this.
Still, I'm unclear exactly how to do this. How to manage it all. As I told Dee, I was so happy with my orignal idea; this new knowledge hasn't been sitting well at all.
Anyone with any thoughts or advice, please leave a comment. I could use it.
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