Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Episode 20: living childfree

Before I begin, I realize I forgot to post the link for Episode 19: Fertility 102. Yeah, I'm that out of it. I apologize for not posting sooner.

This week, the Bitter Infertiles tackled an incredibly important yet often misunderstood road of resolution: childfree living. Our guests are two amazing and inspirational women who are helping blaze the trail and educating the public about this choice: Pamela Tsigdinos, author of Silent Sorority and Loribeth who blogs at "The Road Less Traveled."

Ladies, Episode 20 is officially live. Please, regardless of where you are in your journey, go listen.  This episode is probably one of the most powerful and inspirational ones we've done to date. And it's because the message both Loribeth and Pamela bring with them: you are more than the sum of your lady parts. Being able to conceive will not define you as a person (regardless of what society tells you). And fitting into the mold of a nuclear family with 2.5 kids will not equal happiness.

What defines you is how you chose to live your life in the face of the trauma and tragedy that is infertility and loss. What defines you is how you will preserve your family, be it a family of two with your and your partner or any other combination imaginable. For many of us, that will mean making peace that things did not come out exactly the way you wanted. A hard thing to do, as ignoring the pain and drifting is so much easier. But drifting and staying in the same space never results in happy endings. And though change is scary, amazing things can come.

On a personal note, I want to thank Loribeth, Pamela and No Kidding in NZ for teaching me some valuable lessons these last few months. Though I was initially terrified of exploring each of your stories, I'm so glad I did. You have all taught me so much about life and helped me see that though I can't control what happens to me, I can control how I chose to confront each disappointment and moment of pain. You've taught me that from the ashes we can rise like Phoenixes and pursue a life that is full, filled with purpose, happiness and joy. Saying "thank you" is not enough.


  1. Dear Cristy,
    Sending the love right back to you! I applaud willingness of you, Mo and the other cool chicks associated with the Bitter Infertiles podcast to engage us in dialogue and to explore all paths. Your graciousness (and intelligent questions) felt like a warm embrace. ox, Pamela

  2. Oh my God, Cristy how did I miss this project?! I'm new to blogging myself but have been lurking around ALI blogs for a while, as I'm already two years into this journey. Thank you so much for posting about this, I'm going to go give a listen now! I am a follower and great admirer of Loribeth. I'll be checking out your back catalogue too. Thanks again.

  3. Thank YOU, Cristy, & Mo (as well as Shelley & Jjiraffe, even though they weren't on this episode), for an amazing hour of conversation. It's not often that I get to actually talk (vs write) about childless/free living & what that means, let alone with people who "get it." It's a subject that many people, inside and outside the ALI community, are afraid to confront -- but, as with so many things in life, it becomes a lot less scary -- and easier to understand & empathize -- when we start talking and learning about it. :)

  4. Here, here. It was an awesome ep.

  5. I can't thank you enough for doing an episode on this topic. I think the main reason I break down every time I get my period is that I haven't come to terms with the fact that I may never be a parent. Everyone around me says "Don't give up! It WILL happen! You have SO MANY options!" but every failed cycle means I'm that much closer to a life without children of my own. And that's scary and sad, and I don't like to think about it. But I know I need to think about it, and talk about it. I look forward to reading both Loribeth's and Pamela's blogs, because it's likely our journey will end before IVF or adoption, which I know most people will not understand.

  6. I have a post brewing about this episode, and one of the things I say is applauding you and Mo for the honesty and openness in your questions and comments. And I came here, and see you acknowledging my blog as well. Thank you so much for that. Your comments - well, that's why I have my No Kidding blog. (I also blog elsewhere). I'll pop back with the link when the post is up.

    1. http://nokiddinginnz.blogspot.co.nz/2013/02/our-kinda-people.html

  7. A big and heartfelt thank you for taking on this topic. It was very powerful to listen to your conversation. And even though it is still scary, the knowing of that you can live a good and interesting life after infertility makes it a little less so.


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