Friday, July 26, 2013

Failing miserably

Another quick update as I currently restricted to a hospital bed. Please forgive the lack of sensitivity, but I don't know when I'll be able to post next.

Here's the rundown. I've gone from suspected preeclampsia to rapidly progressing to preeclampsia. Liver and kidney levels are crappy as ever and my blood pressure has jumped significantly. Add in severe bloating in the legs and mild headaches and the result has been a guaranteed hospital stay until the end of this pregnancy. To counter all of this, they started me on magnesium sulfate. I'm sure there are many out there that can share their horror stories with this drug, but needless to say it's not a fun one. More on the specifics at another time.

On the flip side, the Beats are doing amazing. They had a growth scan a week earlier than originally planned and they are not only developing well but measuring ahead. He-beat is 4 lbs 8 oz, while She-beat is 4 lbs 5 oz. This puts them in the 63-68% compared to singletons. The doctors have been very impressed. Only concern with them at the moment is She-beat's heart rate dips when I use the bathroom, but she's been doing better. Unbelievably proud of these little fighters.

What all this means is it's likely that the Beats will arrive in the next few days. As much as they are rocking all of this, my body is failing miserably. Today Grey and I signed a living will as well as power of attorney for me in case my body continues to crash. Granted we both have long agreed on how to proceed if the worst happens, but there were still tears when faced with the reality of all of this. Also, there's the added fact that the one goal I was holding onto during this entire pregnancy, which was getting them to at least 36 weeks, is pretty much gone. Still, now is not the time to grieve the loss of wants. Now is the time to utilize the resources, support and love that is currently surrounding us through not only this amazing care team but also from family, dear friends and this community.

Thank you all for your support, well wishes and prayers. We'll update you when we can.

53 comments:

  1. Ready and willing to give you any kind of support I can!

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  2. Sending love and prayers your way!

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  3. Middle of the night wishes to you from Switzerland!

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  4. I'm so sorry this is happening. Sending you love and strength.

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  5. Wow, so much for you to take in. I'll be praying for both you and the babies during this time. It's going to be tough, but you have done so well... don't let this get you down. Hugs and loves! Can't wait to "meet" your little ones.

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  6. Praying for you and your precious twins. I'm very sorry that you are going through this. Thank you for finding the time and energy to update us.

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  7. You are not failing miserably, you're rocking! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  8. Sending you lots of prayers!

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  9. You and the Beats are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  10. Oh Cristy! I'm so sorry you are going through this! What a horrible situation. You deserve so much better than this end to your pregnancy. Sending love and light to all three of you. You are all in my thoughts.

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  11. Shit, Cristy, all of this sounds very scary. I am so glad you are surrounded by a great team and loved ones. I am sending all the positive energy I can muster to you and the Beats!

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  12. Sending lots of prayers for both you and your babies!

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  13. Cristy I am so sorry that this is happening. I'm so glad that the Beats are doing well. I know that you aren't going to make it to 36 weeks but you have done an amazing job taking care of the babies. Thinking of you, Grey, and the Beats for a safe delivery when it does happen!

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  14. Oh wow, Cristy. Wishing all the best for you and the babies. Love and light. Xoxo

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  15. Sending nothing but love and good thoughts your way ((hugs))

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  16. You know I am here for whatever you need. I can bring you things, offer help, or just come keep you company. I pray that you stay stable and that the Beats can stay in as long as possible. I know every day counts right now. Love you.

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  17. My thoughts are with you!! Lots of love from all of us!! I hope that the next few hours/days brings nothing but good news!

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  18. Thinking of you and the beats.

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  19. Oh no, at least you are getting the best possible care, love and support you can. Hopefully things get better soon, i'm sure they will.
    For swollen legs are compression socks an option? They might help a little.
    Wishing you, Grey and the Beats all the best. Everything i have is crossed for you guys <3

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  20. Thinking of you and thankful that you are in good hands.

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  21. Oh wow, how scary. Sending love and many positive thoughts your way. Wishing for a safe delivery, healthy babies and speedy recovery for yourself.

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  22. Oh Cristy - your body is NOT failing you. It is working doubly hard overtime right now to support THREE of you, and that is tough work. I hope that your symptoms get better and they can stay cooking inside of you for awhile longer, but if not, those babies WILL be okay. My girlfriend just brought home her 4#4oz baby from the hospital last month (was born full term but they're thinking IUGR) and he is doing GREAT. You have wonderful care providers who will be taking care of all of you. Lots of prayers and good thoughts for a safe rest of this pregnancy, delivery, and beyond. Hang in there Momma - and give your body credit for all it HAS done to nurture the Beats for the past 7+ months!!

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  23. Josey send me your way to send thoughts and prayers, so I am doing just that. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts to you and your family!!

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  24. Praying for y'all. Sending positive thoughts!!!

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  25. You are doing amazingly. This is not your fault and you aren't failing your babies. Thinking healthy thoughts and sending strength your way!

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  26. Here from Rain's blog to wish you well. I had pre-eclampsia and was on magnesium, it sucks like none other. Ended up delivering our daughter at 35w5d. Check out my blog if you want to read the specifics.

    In the meantime just try to take it day by day. Your twins sound like they are a great weight and should do so well. Soon the magnesium will be just a hazy memory.

    One plus side of magnesium is studies show it actually prevents cerebral palsy.

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  27. I know I already posted last night, but i have been thinking about you all morning. Two things I wanted to share are that I'm also a twin mommy to girl/boy twins after a long battle with IF. I was hospitalized for a week, sent home on strut bed rest for 2 weeks, then readmitted do to the early markers of preeclampsia. My twins were delivered via c-section at exactly 34 weeks. Gabriella spent 2 weeks in the nicu, and Benjamin was in for a full month and came home with oxygen and an apnea monitor. Foe every 1 day you can keep the Beats in, it's equivalent to 3 days less in the nicu. So, you've already bought them almost a week less in the nic since you've been admitted. Break it down into smaller chunks and celebrate your victories, even though they definitely won't feel like victories right now. Every 8 hours you are able to keep them in is a day less in the nicu. I hope this helps on some level. I know first hand that nothing anyone says right now is going to change how bad your heart is hurting, and for that I am so incredibly sorry. But you all will get through this, and a year or two from now it'll still sting, but then your dynamic duo will snap you back to the here and now and cover you with sloppy baby kisses. xoxo

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  28. Geez Cristy. I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this. I'm praying that your little ones continue to remain strong, and I pray for your body to strengthen and heal itself. Thanks for keeping us updated. Big hugs to you.

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  29. Sending many thoughts and prayers for you and the beats!!

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  30. Sending so many thoughts your way!!!!!

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  31. OH NO! Honey, I'm so SO sorry this is all happening. Your body has worked so hard to keep these Beats happy and healthy and growing. Pre-eclampsia is unpredictable and there's nothing you could have done differentially to prevent it. I had it with my daughter and yes the MgSO4 sucked the life out of me for 36 hours. It was so AWFUL. And it sucked because I didn't even realize how awful I felt until they stopped it. Sending you hugs and love and hopeful thoughts this gives the Beats a bit more time to grow. And if they come sooner rather than later, you will have to beautiful children you can hold in your arms and give them all the love in the world. Pre-E sucks, but the Beats are doing great. Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers....

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  32. I am thinking about you and sending you much love and support!

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  33. You've been in my thoughts and prayers today. And you'll stay there til we hear the news of the twins' safe arrival as well as your own recovery.

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  34. I am so sorry this has all gone this direction Cristy, but I am thinking of you and holding out so much hope that those beats come out healthy and you are on the mend soon!

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  35. I've been thinking about you all day today. I am sending you all thoughts of health and healing!! Big HUGS!!!

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  36. Been thinking of you since josey sent out the call for good thoughts and prayers for you. My twin girls were born at 33 weeks at just a hair over 4lbs each after I suffered pre-e, so I know the fears and feelings. Today those girls are happy crazy 2 year olds. Sending you many good thoughts, and hoping that before you know it your Beats will be two healthy toddlers in your arms, and all this scariness will be far behind you. <3

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  37. I can't stop thinking about you!! I am praying that you and the babies stay safe and strong! Hugs!!

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  38. Christy, I am part of T's group and just started reading your blog this weekend when I heard what is going on with you and the Beats. I am thinking about you constantly and praying all will be well. You have done an amazing job in growing those babies. I know they are coming earlier than you want. I just want you to know that my neice came at 32 weeks and weighed in a barely over 3 pounds. She is now a happy and healthy four-year-old. I know that preeclampsia can be quickly reversed after babies are delivered, so I hope that you are also doing well as soon as is possible.

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  39. Cristy, I love you and I know you are giving the Beats everything you can and always will, both in the womb and out.

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  40. They're here! Congratulations on your precious little bundles! I'm sure it's a scary as well as exciting and happy time for you, but I'm so glad to hear they're doing well, and hope you are too, mama. Sending lots of grow-big-and-strong wishes to your babies.

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  41. Hi Cristy and Grey, I just read Alissa's blog and read the news! Congrats! I hope everyone is healthy and that your hospital stay is short. Very exciting!

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  42. Just saw MissConception's post- CONGRATULATIONS!!! So glad that E and H are out and so far doing well. I hope they don't have to spend too much time in the NICU and that you have an easy recovery from your c-section.

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  43. OH my goodness! Just in reading the comments I saw that you've had your babies :) congratulations!!

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  44. Congratulations my friend! I hope that you and the Beats are doing well. Though I know the guilt all too well about feeling like my body failed me & MB I will tell you what my husband tells me. Your body didn't fail you or them. Your body is the reason that they made it as far as they did. Your body is the reason they got out in time before anything could happen to them. Your body did that. I am so happy for all of you and look forward to hearing all the amazing updates as they all thrive and you settle into your new family life.

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  45. Congratulations Cristy! I am so glad the little ones are here safely! Prayers to you all!

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  46. Just read the news that the Beats are here!! How exciting and I'm sure, scary as well. Hope the babies are growing for each day and you are recovering well. Huge congratulations to you all!!

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  47. Wishing you the best over the coming days. I hope it goes as well as it can and you have a quick recovery.

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  48. Read on Alicia's blog that the babies are here and doing great. I am so excited for you. I hope that your health is good as well.

    Congrats!!!

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  49. Thinking of you... hoping you are all doing well!!

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