With my first IVF cycle, I remember being very anxious. I was anxious about the suppression check, anxious about not growing follicles, anxious about not getting good quality eggs, anxious about fertilization, anxious about embryos surviving, anxious about the cycle failing and anxious about being anxious. This time around, I've been calmer. Partly because we have snowbabies. But also because I'm tired of the anxiety. Being anxious is exhausting.
Yesterday, I woke up at 7am, greeted by these two.
I then spent the morning finishing a few more things on my list, knowing full well that I was going to be confined to the couch later and nothing productive was going to be done. Finally, Grey and I traveld to the clinic with me holding my breath the whole way.
Upon arrival to the clinic, I had a flash back to the first transfer day. I remember waiting patiently for Dr. Optimism, wandering down a hallway I hadn't noticed before and finally seeing images of my embryos. I remember marveling at how beautiful they were, putting out the ICM and being surprised that 2 were getting ready to hatch. I had seen textbook images of embryos, but never ones as clear as these and at that moment I was so proud of them. Outside of me needing to fill my bladder more, the transfer was painless and quick.
This time was very similar. Dr. Practical was in charge of the transfer and the wait was a lot shorter. This was fortunate for me, as my bladder was full. So full that everyone in the room had a good chuckle. The rest of the experience was the same, with the transfer only taking 15 minutes and me then spending an extra 20 relaxing and allowing these two a chance to orient to their new home. Both Grey and me marveling how it felt like December all over again.
But it wasn't. Unlike last time, I wasn't recovering from retrieval, I wasn't dealing with a lot of unknowns, Grey and I knew exactly where to go and what to ask for. And, most importantly, we got pictures of these:
Two beautiful 5 day blastocytes. The one on the right is 5AA, the one on the left is 5BB.
Dr. Practical handed Grey the cover to the petri dish they were thawed in as a keepsake. And waiting for me after the transfer were these images as well as a copy from the ones before. Both Grey and I got teary eyed when we realized what this group was doing for us: they were giving us reminders to have hope.
Today will be spent meditating, using these images to connect with my snowbabies. Today will be a day that I spend giving thanks for the opportunity have these two inside me. Today I will have hope.
