Ever hear the saying "bad things come in threes?" The first blow is always followed by a second and then the inevitable closure punch. It leaves you reeling and filled a large knot of negative emotions.
This weekend was one of those instances. Though nothing life-altering, it has rocked both Grey and me.
First the news that MIL was doing an extended visit of BIL's family. I'll admit I was hurt that her summer trip is solely being spent visiting them, bringing back the memories of during infertility of travel plans that always excluded us.
Then came the unexpected, late night phone call from BIL to Grey. He got a new job, leading to the relocation back to the West Coast. Though this is good news for them, it reminds me too much of this instance with how it was delivered. More scars revealed.
And then the final bit of news came this morning with a letter from Cyrol addressed to me, following on the heels of a letter for MB. All twisted and signs of an obsessed person who needs so much help and likely won't get it. So my morning is now going to be spent contacting law clinics and the police as it's time for a restraining order. Because we know that his family won't take action unless he is put in jail, as right now the legal system doesn't have reason to declare him mentally unfit.
I've been struggling with all of this. Numb to Cyrol (I had my "of course" moment this morning), but struggling also with the mix of emotions with the other news. Learning that MIL confessed to Grey she feels like we don't want her to be part of our lives. Scars for a relationship Grey went through years before he met me and yet things that have added to the isolation we've felt. There's also the feelings of jealousy that BIL has the opportunity. Granted it's not one that Grey or I would ever consider (BIL is a good fit), but there's financial security that comes with this for them. The unfairness of the perceived inequality of resources.
Today is being spent putting it all back together. Analyzing why these feelings exist and figuring out how to heal and come to peace. Remembering to breathe deeply even though my lungs burn after being pushed underwater.