It's not uncommon to see those who are living with loss mark certain dates: estimated due dates, anniversaries, pregnancy milestones. For me, it's the cherry blossoms. Seeing them bloom is a remember of the babies we were suppose to be holding right now.
On Saturday, Grey and I made our way to the University quad to sit amount the cherry blossoms. Despite being surrounded by people from all walks of life, we were able to find our own patch of grass. We spent an hour lying among the tress, remembering all that could have been. We also reflected on all we had been through since then, all we've fought hard to regain.
Not a day goes by where I don't think of the ones that were gone too soon. In no way will I ever compare the pain we lived through and continue to live with with that of others, but for Grey and I losing these embryos was the hardest thing we've had to live through. Some scars run too deep to ever completely heal. The only way I know how to cope, to move on, is to remember.
I'm not sure I will ever be able to look at cherry blossoms in the same way after this post. Abiding with you.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
ReplyDeleteIt's a time of memory for me too. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post Christy. I hope you and the babies are well!
ReplyDeleteI actually think it's beautiful that those cherry blossoms are a reminder for you of those little ones who left far too soon (but will in some way always be a part of you).
ReplyDeleteI am coming up on three years since losing my son (who I conceived in this month) and I'm experiencing something similar. The seasons are so evocative. I too have to remember. I'll remember your sweet little ones with you.
Oh my gosh, the trees are beautiful! The don't look real!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to express how the losses have changed me. They are always with me, I am marked by them and can never forget, but also I don't want to dwell so long in the grief I lose today's joy. I still struggle to find the balance.
Thinking of you, Grey, and your little ones. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I had a moment last night where I broke down knowing it's been almost a year and a half. Remembering is all we have. Those beautiful flowers are something lovely to attach to those angels.
ReplyDeleteMuch as I try to block out certain memories they always come to hit hard. Over the long weekend I tried to ignore the fact that my twins would have turned 16 if they had lived. The 28th was their EDD. Sometimes we just have to acknowledge our losses and find out that there was still a bit of good in the fact that life was created even if for only a short amount of time.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful images for your beautiful babies.
ReplyDeleteTo me, remember is to honour. And I can't imagine not to. Those trees are absolutely beautiful. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post, with gorgeous images to accompany it, and a message that just tugs at my heart... because I'm there, I understand, and I too have scars that will never fully heal.
ReplyDeleteCherry blossoms create such beautiful and poignant imagery for the loss of a child because they are so lovely but last only a brief time. I too am reminded of my son when I see cherry blossoms. So sorry for your losses. So sorry that cherry blossoms...and so many others things...have to be bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteLate to comment... but wanted to say that both the words and the photos were simply stunning. xoxo
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