Sunday, August 4, 2013

Here (part 1)

New and special warning for these posts as they will cover more than a birth story. So in addition for anyone who is still on the trenches, if stories about preterm birth or NICU trigger any PTSD, please skip these. As always, there will be other posts. Focus on taking good care of yourself first.

Grey and I have been going back and forth on what exactly we want to share for the events of the past week. While some have no issues sharing various aspects of their lives, we are both very private people who are also dealing with a lot of family drama. As much as I'd like to believe otherwise, the truth is sharing too much is a dangerous thing for us. All that said, we ask for understanding regarding omitting certain details from our story. Though I understand that this can be frustrating, the reality is it is Grey, myself and the Beats who have to live with the consequences for any information shared.

Let's start from the beginning.

It's been no secret that since the beginning of July I've been battling hypertension and liver function issues. What I haven't been forthwith about is the degree of monitoring my MFMs have been doing since our second trip to L&D that identified this issue. What quickly was becoming baffling/concerning was that though my labs were indicating preeclampsia, I was lacking a lot of the other symptoms. Hence my MFMs were being vigilant, warning me that things could quickly escalate.

And this is where I failed. Even with the warning of packing a hospital bag, I wasn't prepared for how fast all of this could progress.

Wednesday July 25th, I awoke with a start realizing I had overslept and was running late for my weekly appointment. Because of some issues with iCal, Grey overslept too and wasn't able to get ready in time to get out the door. As I kissed him goodbye, I looked him in the eyes and assured him that this was just a routine appointment and that I would be home by 10 am.

Following a long wait at Phlebotomy, I raced over to my MFM appointment to start the day with a NST with Nurse J before meeting with the physicians. During the NST, the Beats were rocking, kicking and jumping around, but my blood pressure was far from good, spiking at 134/82. Though not considered in the range of hypertension, it still caused all of us to pause. When the NST was completed, I was taken back to the exam room and my blood pressure was rechecked. Though lower at this point, it was concerning that it was fluctuating as much as it was. Despite this, I figured we were still in the monitoring mode as I had been experiencing similar trends before. What I wasn't prepared for was that the labs would come back indicating that not only were the markers for liver stress skyrocketing, but so were markers indicating kidney stress. And just like that, a bed was booked for me at Chateau L&D.

Following the appointment, I was given 30 minutes to wander down to the hospital cafeteria to eat some breakfast and begin making plans. I learned later that the second I texted Grey the news, he immediately packed our laptops and proceeded to run to the bus stop that was 10 blocks away. In the meantime, I made arrangements for Jaxson and Daisy to be watched and alert those we knew in the area of what was happening. I still remember the texts from MissC simply stating "call me," with her trying to piece together what had happened within the 24 hrs since I saw her and Cooper. After all, I looked healthy. What had gone wrong?

Following breakfast, it was back to the clinic to receive the first of 2 shots of dexamethasone to promote maturation of the Beats's lungs. While there, a new nurse named Nurse T talked me through tentative plan of getting me into a flex room where they could start magnesium sulfate in hopes of bringing my blood pressure down. Though usually used to delay preterm labor, magnesium sulfate is also effective at treating this aspect of preeclampsia. The first 20 minutes of that medication were the worst, with the veins in my arm burning from the initial bolus, but after that it was manageable, feeling like I was lying on a bed of hot coals. In addition, I was prescribed restricted bedrest, all with the hope of keeping the Beats in utero as long as possible.

At 12:50 pm I was wheeled into what would be my new home for the next few days. Grey and I started marking the course of events with the different nurses who were assigned to us as the hours became a blur and it was hard to distinguish when exactly certain events happened. Each nurse we had during this period was amazing in her own way, ranging from wicked senses of dry humor to being incredibly sweet. It was funny how each one came into being in charge of my care during the moments we needed them most, helping us make decisions about the next steps, giving us reasons to laugh and even helping us encounter the unknown.

By Friday afternoon it became clear that the Beats would be delivered prior to the 36 week mark, but Grey were hoping that we could get them a few more days. By that evening, though, we were told that I needed to prepare for the possibility of a C-section in the morning. Grey and I held tight to one another as we met with one of the neonatologists to talk about the realities of raising 32 week twins and what their time in the NICU would look like. It was during the rare few moments we were alone together that I allowed to tears to come. Despite the fact their outlook was potentially positive, the reality was that things could go very wrong and I was overcome with guilt, anger and sadness that my body was once again failing our children.

At 1 am I was awoken by our nighttime nurse and told I needed to stop all liquids as it was very likely I would be going in for surgery in the morning. As she gave me the rundown of what to expect, she could see I was in shock by the news. To calm me, she sat by me and proceeded to tell me about all the craziness that was currently happening in L&D. Apparently the floor was beyond capacity, with only those who were actively laboring or in an emergency situation not being turned away. I'll admit, we both had a good laugh about the woman who refused to leave after getting this news and instead had been pacing the halls for close to 10 hrs hoping to get her body into that final stage of labor. "We keep telling her that home will be more comfortable, but she refuses to believe us!" she exclaimed. We also talked a bit about the different cases the university hospital sees, as it serves a large population ranging from prisoners to well-educated citizens with each case also ranging from being very straight-forward to incredibly complex to a flat out emergency. Before she left me she told me that though I was in serious condition, we were actually in a good spot as the doctors had had time to plan and prepare. And she commended me and Grey for being so active to setting the stage to allow for the best possible outcome. It was those words that allowed me to sleep for the next 5 hrs. It was those words that I would hold on to for the next 5 days.

At 7 am my primary MFM came into the room with a team of residents and told us that I was going to be prepped for surgery at 10:30 am. In addition to my liver and kidney biomarkers still being on the rise, my blood pressure was now officially in the hypertension range, I had gained 20 lbs in 48 hrs due to an accumulation of fluids and that my fuzzy thought processes were worrisoome. It was then I was diagnosed with an atypical form of preeclampsia called HELLP syndrome. Though I had zero protein in my urine (they had done a 24 hr catch) and my platelet count was okay, they weren't willing to wait. After answering a few questions from Grey, the decision was made to go forward and the team left us to make final phone calls to family and friends to alert them to what was happening. Grey was also given some pink scrubs to wear in the OR as the usual blue ones were being stolen and they wanted to discourage future temptations.

At 10:30 am, I was given an additional IV and then wheeled into the OR. Sitting on the OR table, a 38.5 week pregnant anesthesiology resident attempted to insert an epidural without success. The attending anesthesiologist proceeded to take over and while successfully inserting the catheter told me about how he was actually on paternity leave and had just welcomed a son 10 days before. The only thing I could think of was that this situation was an infertile's worst nightmare come true, but somehow I managed to bite my tongue and allow them to do their jobs while I smiled.

Grey and I had talked previously about what we wanted to happen if a C-section was necessary for delivering the Beats. I knew I didn't want my arms strapped down, but as I have a history of fainting from overly bloody/painful looking situations I was also okay with them leaving up the drape. Grey wanted to see though and the surgical team happily accommodated him, only requesting that he not interfere with what they were doing. Numb and nude from the neck down, everyone began to work with me only feeling tugging and pulling the whole time. Suddenly I heard excitement in everyone's voices and Grey's eyes began to fill with tears. Eagerly snapping photos and bouncing like a small child, Grey looked at me and said "He's crying. Cristy he's crying!" meaning that Beat A was able to breathe on his own. Within a couple minutes later the same excitement and tears of joy returned with the arrival of Beat B.

Born on July 27, 2013 at 11:20 am PST, via Cesarean section

Beat A (He-Beat): HTC. Weighing 4 lbs 5 oz
Beat B (She-Beat): EMC. Weighing 3 lbs 7 oz

Both born into the world with an amazing set of lungs. The most beautiful noise I've ever heard.

As agreed upon, Grey left me to be with the Beats and oversee what the neonatology teams were doing. The original plan was once prepped for NICU, the team would bring each Beat over for me to see before taking them down. That plan was immediately scratched when I heard a loud clang and a gasp. Within a couple of minutes I learned that one of the scrub techs had fainted, nose-diving into one of the side tables. As the team split, with a couple of nurses working to assess the situation and call a team to get her down to the ER while another nurse stepped in to assist the MFMs with completing my surgery, the NICU teams made the decision to bypass me seeing the Beats and to simply get them into NICU. Grey came over to me with a look of what-do-you-want-me-to-do, and the second I mouthed "Go" he turned and joined the NICU teams. About an hour later, I was sewn back together and transferred into a L&D room for close monitoring and observation. Over words of congratulations, my primary MFM warned me that it was likely my condition would worsen before it got better. "But we're not going to let anything happen to you" she promised.

And with that began a strange next few days, fueled by physical pain and uncertainty coupled with joy and hope.

To be continued . . . .

36 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry that your health took such a dramatic turn for the worse, but thank goodness for your wonderful team! Congratulations on the birth of your precious babes. I'm sending all of you lots of love. I hope you're all doing well. *hugs*

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  2. I heard from MissC that the twins were born and I was thinking of you! I hope all is going well so far and that you are all healthy and home soon.

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  3. First off, I'm so grateful you are all safe and sound. I thank you for sharing your story however edited to maintain the safety of your family. It's a harrowing experience when things happen so fast and out of your control and I think you and Grey are an amazing couple to have pulled through this so beautifully. Congrats on your He and She Beats and welcome to the world little ones. Hugs to all of you and I'm looking forward to part 2 :)

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  4. I hope at the end of this there is a glowing mama and proud papa holding beautiful healthy babies. This is so scary..

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  5. I have been praying for you and your babies! A few days ago I dug through the comments and saw that your little miracles had arrived. =) Part one got my heart racing... selfishly, I hope that you find time very soon for part two... not like you're busy with newborn, preemie twins or anything!!! xoxo

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  6. I have been thinking so much of y'all and sending many prayers and thoughts your way. Congratulations mamma on the arrival of your babies. I will anxiously be awaiting to hear the rest of your story and continue to send thoughts your way for a smooth recovery and adjustment to life with your babies.

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  7. Congrats!!! Hope you all are doing well!

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  8. Oh, Cristy, I'm so glad you're all doing okay and that the Beats arrived safely. You're fortunate to have been monitored so closely so that things didn't get too chaotic, but I can imagine it wasn't exactly a pleasant experience. The important thing is that you're all healthy now. (You are, right? Please tell me in part 2 everyone is healthy!) Continuing to send lots of healthy, strong vibes to you and your NICU babes!

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  9. I'm so glad I know the outcome (that you're all OK, right? Tell me you're all OK) because the cliffhanger is giving me palpitations. I'll try not to click on your URL repeatedly over the next few days ;-)

    Welcome, Beats. <3 <3 <3

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  10. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this. But I am sending warm hugs to you and the babies!

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  11. Welcome to the world little ones! Wishing you strength as you navigate the early days of preemie twin parenting. It can be such an emotional roller coaster, but keep your eyes out for the good moments, the funny moments even. They'll be there in the midst of it all and will help keep you going.

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  12. Oh congratulations on your precious little ones! I have been eagerly watching for an update and my thoughts and prayers have been with you. I can't imagine how scary and fast-moving that all must have been, but it does sound like you are in good hands. Sending you tons of hugs and praying also for strength during these early days.

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  13. Cristy,

    I'm SO happy for you and Grey and the Beats!! I've been worried about you since your last post, and I'm SO glad you and the Beats are ok!!!

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  14. whaaa??? FAINTED?! I have never heard... Good Lord. I am terribly sorry that your moment got stolen by that unfortunate incident (though I'm sure it wasn't her fault, I know it is going to take a while to forgive). I know a lot of our birth experiences didn't go the way we hoped, but yours sounds especially difficult thus far. Glad you and the babies are ok!

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    1. Honestly, I was more worried about the scrub tech than about having the ideal birth experience. Considering Grey and i were joking that dropping the drape wasn't an option for me as I'm a fainter, I felt bad that I had somehow jinxed this poor individual. We did receive word that she's recovering nicely and will be sending her some flowers. If nothing else, it showed how amazing and skilled the teams were as they handled the situation beautifully, making sure everyone was okay in the end.

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    2. Well that is very generous of you! I am glad your hospital had a plan in place. And congrats again :)

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  15. Oh wow, congratulations! I hope everything turns out all right <3 I did like the pink scrubs :P
    Fingers crossed for all four of you

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  16. Congratulations on the arrival of the beats. I know it's not how you wanted them to come, or when you wanted them to come, but I hope part 2 will reveal that they are doing well. I've been thinking about you all a lot since your last post (my comment wouldn't post, for some reason) and while I wasn't surprised to see this in my reader today, I was hoping for different news. I'm so sorry your health has suffered so much. I hope you're doing better now and that your sweet twins are thriving despite coming so early.

    Abiding with you.

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  17. Congratulations on the arrival of the twins! What a scary experience, I hope you are on the mend and recovering well. I'm a fainter too so I wouldn't cope well with looking either. So sorry the nurse fainting took away you seeing your babies, that must be disappointing. Hope you are all stronger and better for each day as you navigate the NICU stay. Thinking of you.

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  18. Congrats on your new arrivals!! I know all to well how scary the experience can be! Remember to take care of yourself. I know how easily it is to get caught up in the health of your babies and forget to give your body time to heal. I know I don't really blog often my twins have me very busy but I am here if you have any questions. Unfortunetly with an almost 6 month NICU stay I know most of the ins and outs. Often times I know it would have been nice to bounce some of the information they were giving us off of some one!

    Enjoy your sweet babies small victories! Don't worry about that what ifs. Worry when it happens! Stay strong mommy!

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  19. Thought I would let you know that I was stalking internet hotspots in the Maine Mall last week so that I could read updates and find out what was going on with you and the Beats! I was so thrilled to read that you all came through ok (though it was super scary), and am amazed at the strength you and Grey have shown throughout all this. Hope you are on the mend soon. Sending much love.

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  20. Congratulations to you and Grey!! So sorry that things took such a turn for you. Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*

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  21. I think you are one of the most selfless and brave people I've ever met. Even when your life was in danger you think about others. There are no words to describe how happy I am for your new family. Those babies will be so loved!

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  22. Congratulations on the arrival of the beats. So sorry for all the craziness leading up to it. I am excited to read the rest of the story and do hope you are healing well and loving on your babies.
    kd

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  23. I'm just glad to hear that they are here, and you are well enough to write! Can't wait to hear more!!

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  24. I heard from Miss C that the babes are here and was happy to read your own post! Congrats Cristy and Grey!!!! Fingers crossed that your time in the hospital is short! Hugs!

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  25. A scrub tech Fainted???? Like you needed that in the middle of delivering the babies! What a crazy story. Waiting for the conclusion..,,

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  26. Thanks for leaving the comment for me amidst all your craziness! I'm anxious to hear the rest of your story. Thank you for sharing, as all these bits and pieces help others (like me)! Thinking of you and your babies today.

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  27. WOW what a story!!! Can't wait to hear more! Continued prayers for you and your precious baby beats!

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  28. OMG you gained 20 pounds in 48 hours? That is insane.

    Please don't be too hard on your body. A twin pregnancy is difficult and you did make to 32 weeks. My very good friend had her twins at 31 weeks. They did spend a few weeks in the NICU but are happy, healthy, and thriving at age 2.

    Can't wait to read the conclusion. I hope that you post a little bit about your recovery from a c-section since I will have one in a few months. Congrats again!!

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  29. Wow, what a crazy story thus far! I'm glad the Beats are here and doing well. I can't wait to read part 2!

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  30. This post has been sitting in my reader while I try to figure out how to comment (my reader account is not the same as my blogger account, and some websites are more difficult than others). Anyway, my heartiest congratulations on the arrival of the Beats! I am sure the days and weeks ahead will be fraught with worry, but you got them safely here! You remain in my thoughts as you navigate these new and tricky waters.

    Hugs,
    Jo

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  31. Wow, Cristy...congrats on meeting your two little beats! What a cliffhanger...sheesh! You can't end the story like that. :)

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  32. I got to the bottom of this and burst into tears. Cristy... they're here. Oh I just am so happy for you. Hearing those cries... wow. Congrats, Mama. You are so strong.

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  33. Oh my goodness...I'm just so glad they're here. You did it. You did EXACTLY what you were supposed to do. You brought those babies into this world. My nieces and nephew (triplets) were born at 24 weeks (about a pound and a half each). It is a hard, hard road but you can certainly do it. You're doing it already.

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