But this year is different. Whereas before, where there was fear of losing the dream of being a parent, this year I find myself being allowed to remember those good moments before the trauma hit. The quiet happiness that came with finally seeing for BFPs and allowing myself to be pregnant. Even if just for a moment.
This morning, after feeding the Beats and consoling them following a rough night of sleep due to vaccinations, I was greeted with a song by Eddie Vedder I had never heard before. How easily the tears came, but instead of sharp pain of grief came a wave of healing. A knowledge that though I will always ache for those 6 potential babies that we lost too soon, there is also the knowledge that I now have the strength to honor them.
To all my brothers and sisters in loss, I wish you peace and healing today. May the wave of light envelop you and may you find peace in the knowledge that our babies lost too soon live on with all of us.
Beautifully said. I think no matter how our infertility journeys end, we can come to a place of peace, and remember or losses with love , not pain. I also treasure my memories of happiness in those days between positive tests and loss.
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