Thursday, January 28, 2016

Passing this along

I'm in the habit of passing articles along to others in this community. Be it slights from opinion columnists to more extended pieces. Most covering aspects of fertility treatments, infertility and public perception on resolution.

Part of this habit comes from this assumption that my voice isn't strong enough to make a case. That there are those in positions of better authority to speak out on these topics.

The other part is fear. Plain and simple.

Grey and I have been having an ongoing discussion adoption and openness. Grey's eldest nephew, who was adopted from the foster care system, recently turned 21 yrs old and there are ongoing questions about whether how to help him address his adoption while also supporting my BIL. It's a jumbled web, filled with emotional pits. Hence there's no clear path for how to help our nephew navigate.

This morning, Grey sent me this NYT article, as a follow up to a recent Modern Love Podcast covering open adoption. I'm still reading this, as there's a lot to unpack, but I wanted to share it because of how honest it is. It shows beautifully the emotional messiness that comes from a process most people barely understand.

So, instead of writing Lori or Rain or Leah (though I'm still sending them tho article because their voices truly are important ones), I'm taking a step and putting this out there. Because I am by no means an expert in any of this and, yet, adoption does impact my life. It's more than an option of resolution; it's something my family lives with and it's something our society assumes in a continual "cure" for infertility when in reality it's not a cure. It's so much more complex.


  1. What a heartbreaking article, but it sounds like the birth mother and adoptive mother have a great and open relationship. When I think about how messy adoption is, I tend to think about the Teen Mom who gave up her baby for adoption (I clearly don't watch anymore). She struggled for a long time with her open adoption. I think that she had her own baby recently and got married to the father (of both kids) which probably helps, but yeah, what a hard relationship.

  2. Wow what a touching article. It makes me feel tough emotions because I've always felt the call to adopt but at the sage time I'm scared!

  3. I love that you have this habit :-)

    I love how this article shows the complexity of adoption. Too often, we want to paint things as "good" or "bad" because then they're easier to understand, but truly, as this article shows, it's clearly not that simple. I love the relationship the two family's have built together.

  4. Thank you for sharing this article. It's such a powerful one and speaks to the love and struggles of openness in adoption. I often find myself wondering how to be as present and honest as I can for Cadet's and Pumpkin's first moms, and also giving them the space to grieve. It's a life-long relationship for all involved, and with that comes so much emotion!

  5. This is a beautiful article, and I so appreciate the birth mother's perspective and the relationship she shares with her son and his mother. It was really interesting to me because the author, Amy Seek, is the author of "God and Jetfire," a memoir about adoption that was beautiful and heartbreaking and brutally honest all at once. In the book she called Ben's adoptive mother "Paula," but it's the same story. This essay shows the complexity behind open adoption, the positives of having everyone involved but also the heartbreaks and grief. This was my favorite line: "I realized that his adoption had been both my greatest accomplishment and deepest regret." There is definitely no such thing as "just adopt." Thank you for sharing this essay, it's an important read! I hope for peace as you help your nephew and navigate all the complexities in your family. For me, I can only hope that when my adoption becomes a reality instead of a future possibility, that I can have as beautiful and complex an open adoption as Amy does with Holly.

  6. Wow, beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes and made me feel like Amy was writing about me, Moonbeam and Aurora.


Design by Small Bird Studios | All Rights Reserved