CD5: Mood swings are in full oscillation. It didn't help that I spent my whole weekend stuck indoors grading. But it's noticeable. So noticeable, that even Jax and Dais will leave the room. During my IVF cycle, I remember the period right before I started stims as being one of the tougher ones. Lots of tears and constant anxiety. Initially I thought part of it had to do with the holidays. Note to self: it's all the Lupron.
Doing a Google search for "Lupron mood swings" results 1,300,000 results (all in under 0.29 seconds). The first result titled "Will Lupron make me a Wack-a-doo?" is enough to freak out anyone who doesn't have experience with this medication. This is followed with hit after hit with "mood swings" either capitalized or having "severe" plopped right in front of them (sometimes both). Either way, there's no overlooking the cause of me turning into a mope.
The question is, how does one combat the mean reds and/or the blues? The original plan of distraction, either through burying myself in work or spending time with friends, hasn't been working. Friday's experiment involved '80s comedies (John Cusack in "Better off Dead"), which worked for the interim before calling it a night, but definitely didn't solve the problem. Today I'm experimenting with exercise, as that has worked wonders just with battling day-to-day life. Either way, it's become apparent that something has to change.
Why all the fuss? Well, part of it is I don't want to burn-out Grey. Poor guy has been amazing through all of this and I know he's worried and anxious about this cycle too. The miscarriage threw him in a way that he wasn't prepared for, so even though he's marching ahead with me, I know he's worried about this cycle failing or ending the way it did in January.
But the other issue is my students. This semester I'm working with 41 young adults ranging from 19-21 yrs, with the oldest being 26 yrs old. And as much as they'd like to believe they've got it all figured out, they don't. The deal is though, I need to not bring my drama to the table. Be that during lecture when it becomes clear half of them haven't prepared, listening to them protest about how hard it is having quizzes on Mondays (though their exam scores are SO MUCH BETTER because of it), getting excuses about why papers haven't been turned in on time (and how I'm being unfair about enforcing the late assignment policy), all the way down to working with advising for a student who clearly is struggling. My drama can't be there.
Hello Lupron, you hear that? I've got to be the stable one.
So, I'm coping. Be that through taking 30 mins in the middle of the day to go for a quick run or shutting my office door for a quick cry. I'm coping.
10 more days of Lupron. God help me.
Addiction to Prediction
11 hours ago
Thank goodness my Lupron went down to 5 units on Saturday. My nurses were right when the told me that stims would help curb side effects. For some reason I had horrible s/e on Lupron (that is the only fertility med that has done this to me) Definitely thinking about you and you can do it!
ReplyDeleteHang in there! I have never been on Lupron, but I might be someday. You are strong enough for this. Just do what you are doing and get it out when you can.
ReplyDeleteMy OB put me on Lupron for 3 months hoping it would shrink my fibroid. I had mood swings, insomnia, hot flashes and night sweats. Hang in there! Counting down the days with you.
ReplyDeleteIt is always the worst right before you start the stim medications. It improves rapidly once your estrogen gets back up.
ReplyDeleteThe Lupron is probably making you FEEL crazier than you are actually acting. While I have felt totally moody and out of control, when I apologized to my husband for my moodiness, he said that he only noticed that I was a bit quieter than normal. (probably because I was biting my tongue for days so as not to seem like a total bitch). You will get through this. The worst of it is almost over.
One problem: No stims for a FET. I'm on Estrace (does that count?!?!), but still moody as all hell.
DeleteLupron is the most annoying part of the cycle for me. Wish you the best of luck.
ReplyDeleteKeep you head down and power through! I worry about my college students too. It's hard when they don't know what's going on but they still expect so much from you. They'll bounce back though!
ReplyDeleteYou're entitled to a little moodiness. You've earned it :)
Ugh. I hear ya on this. I'm on Lupron as well and I've been so moody. I've also been super hot and can't sleep... isn't IVF grand!?! snerk.
ReplyDeleteOof, that sounds so rough, Cristy! Hang in there though and keep reminding yourself what it's all for. Means to an end, means to an end.
ReplyDeleteIt totally is all the Lupron. Knowing that didn't help me much though. Just know that it will pass, and you will make it through.
ReplyDeleteI know you can't bring your drama with you to work, but have you considered letting your students know that you are healthy and fine, but are taking some medications that may make you tired and a bit out-of-sorts this week, and that you appreciate that they may have to be more patient and understanding than usual? Or, maybe not mention medication, but make something up to go in its place? Sometimes kids can surprise you with their ability to empathize - even the ones that would usually be giving you a hard time. Good luck!
Is it bad that I totally laughed at that search result? I hope you don't turn into a Wack-a-doo :(
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping too (and I had a good snicker too).
DeleteIt affected me that way too! Jeff came in from the garage one Saturday and I was sitting on the couch with the dog curled up on me and I was sobbing! She's not a cuddler but would not leave me alone that day, curled up on my lap and then on my chest. She was just acting really weird and I was convinced something was wrong with her and I was a wreck by the time hubby came in!
ReplyDeleteWe laughed about it later but at the time I was so upset! A few days later I was really irritated and could've bit someone's head off. :)
Sorry it's affecting you like this too though.
You can do it! I've not had experience with Lupron, but I've heard awful things. I'm proud of you for keeping your shit together!
ReplyDeleteI was lecturing last summer while on Lu.pron and the only way I knew how to cope was to keep mental notes of all the students that were upsetting me. I'd be calm to their face and when I got home would go on a sarcastic tirade making fun of each of them to my husband. He'd get a kick out of it, I'd get it out of my system and the students wouldn't be traumatized by me. :) Best of luck to you! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteAck, that sounds AWFUL. I've heard terrible things about Lupron-induced emotional crazies. May the next 10 days pass by quickly for you!
ReplyDeleteLupron made me crazy also. Lolz. Only 10 days left... hoping it passes quickly!!
ReplyDeleteI tensed up in sympathy with you! Or maybe because it's been a heck of a work day, with grown adults acting like college students :) Happy you have a countdown, hang in there - it sounds like you've got good strategies to handle it.
ReplyDelete