Thursday, February 2, 2012

I get by with a little help from my friends

First off, for anyone who follows Jay's blog (The Two Week Wait), please stop by and send her some love.

As mentioned in my previous post, I've decided that to make the most of this down-time prior to FET and made a list of things to do. So far, the jogging hasn't happened due to a very busy week with my students, nor have I started meditating. What I have been good at though is relaxing. Last night was spent sitting on the couch with Grey and flipping through cookbooks for recipes to try over the weekend. Tonight was an impromptu stop at a local restaurant for good food and some wine. Tomorrow I have a date with the tub and I nice bottle of Claret.

What really started all of this was a phone call from a good friend, K. Though not living with infertility, K has been a constant source of support on this TTC journey. Following being diagnosed, while others pulled away, she made a point of contacting me, listening when I needed a shoulder to cry on and cheering us on through many rounds of treatment. So when I told her about my "change" list of FET, she immediately offered to help: this Saturday we are hitting the spa for some girl time. Her reasoning behind this decision is based on two things: 1) we've both earned it and 2) some things are best left to professionals.

I've been reflecting on friendships lost and made since our diagnosis with infertility. I'd be lying if I said that every relationship has remained intact while I've been on this path. But I'd also be lying if I didn't admit the role infertility has played in strengthening many of my relationships. As much of a curse being on this road has been (physically, emotionally and psychological), there has been the blessing that all fair-weather friends, toxic friends, friends with ulterior motives and "frenemies" have vanished from my life. I no longer have time or energy to be supportive of those who view me as someone to compete with, emotionally drain or simply hang around when everything is okay. What's been replaced in those voids have been women and men who have offered unlimited kindness, unfaltering support and love. Some of these people have been part of our lives for years and our bond has only strengthen because of this journey. Others have come from unexpected sources: work, online and even through random chance. This has been the most unexpected and wonderful part of this journey.

This past month tested some of these relationships to their very core. And though it was quiet for a few days following the D&C, I knew in my heart it was not because no one cared but because they were respecting my space and giving me time to grieve. As I've been coming out of that dark period, I've begun to get back into contact with people, letting them know that though wounded, I'm still not broken. The response has been amazing, with messages of support and love when it would be all too easy to say "hey, that's great, but you know you're kinda bringing me down." Sure, there have been moments that haven't been perfect, but the fact so many have reached out to me in my time of need leaves me in awe.

So, to each and every single one of you who have followed me these past couple of months, cheering me on during the good moments and offering words of support and love during the bad ones, I want to say thank you. This journey isn't over, but I know I have the strength to move on because of all of you.

Quick update on the FET cycle: blood draw tomorrow morning to determine whether or not I've ovulated. I've already been warned that due to the D&C, there's a good chance that this cycle is anovulatory, meaning that I wouldn't be able to start meds till have AF arrives. So tomorrow I'll either have the green light or we'll be back on hold.


  1. Fingers crossed for your blood draw tomorrow. Hoping you have ovulated this month and can start meds soon.

  2. I love relaxing while browsing through recipes. Scouting out the cookbook and food magazine sections in second hand book stores is always a joy. Last year I found a part 2 cookbook for a WWII era. No clue where part 1 is but maybe someday I'll find it. I also love to grow my herbs and veggies when weather doesn't kill off my seedlings.

    I hope you get the green light to go ahead with the FET. Good luck! Thanks for all your support and comments on my blog.

  3. Good luck with your blood draw. The spa day sounds fabulous and your friend sounds wonderful. Good friends have made such a difference for me, too. I admire you for reaching out to your friends this week and letting them know your needs at this time. Have a nice time with your friend tomorrow!

  4. It is amazing how friends can make your pain so much more tolerable. I know your comments have helped me! Good luck with the FET.

  5. Now that's a good friend! Hoping that the day at the spa today is wonderful and that you girls enjoy the day together.

    I think over the past few years I've been too focused on all the relationships that have not been what I've needed them to be. And you're right; very few relationships go through IF unchanged. What I'm noticing in the last few months are the people who HAVE been there for us and the ones who have also seemingly come out of the blue. I've met my very best friend in the world because of our shared battle with IF. And while I wouldn't wish that on anyone, if we have to go through this it's so much easier with some good friends by your side.

    Blogging has also done that for us too I think. I'm thankful to have found your blog (or you found mine, I'm not sure!) because I feel that we've made a connection through this. I enjoy reading what you have to say and cheering you on during this journey. You are always so great to leave such sweet comments on everyone's posts.

    Know that you have friends in cyber space who would be your friends IRL if we ever met! :) Until then sending you a hug across the U.S.! xoxo

  6. I'm so glad that you're getting the support that you need. And you're so right that IF is a great filter for people who really don't and anything to your life. Makes room for the amazing friends who are invaluable to you. I'm so glad that we "met" and I hope that we will get to share exciting news with each other soon! *hugs*


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