Sunday, April 1, 2012

The untelling

How does one find the strength to go on in the midst of so much pain? When life is so hard?

HcG levels dropped from 8225 on Friday to 1293. Diagnosis is complete miscarriage. My body has killed my babies.

We're both in shock from the destruction from this storm. But the numbness will wear off soon and we will once again be left with our grief.

For now, all I want is sleep.

67 comments:

  1. Oh no, I'm so sorry. I can't believe this happened. I'm assuming by your diagnosis that something terrible and final happened over the weekend. I'm thinking of you. I wish there was something more I could do or say except that I know what you're going through, and I'm here.

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  2. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no! I really thought/hoped/prayed that everything would be okay. I am so so so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make it better. (If you can think of something, let me know.)

    Please do go sleep, and take care of yourself. *hugs*

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  3. I am so, so sorry, Cristy. You will be in my thoughts.

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  4. I'm glad we spoke and I got to be there for you as much as I'm able. I am just so sorry my friend. So so sorry. I'm here if you just want to cry or yell or talk. Take care of your hubby and we'll be sending all the love we can to you and your babies.

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  5. There are no words to adequately describe how sorry I am for ehat you are going through. Sending you all our love.

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  6. I am so very sorry Cristy. I wish I could give you a big hug. I hate that you/we have to go through pain like this. Sleep for as long as you need. *hugs*

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  7. I can't believe this is happening. I am so so sorry and only wish there was something I could do for you. I know we only know each other "virtually" but seriously... let me know if you need/want to get together and talk. Or get a drink. Or go for a run. I find all to be helpful in this situation. Really, the offer stands. Just send me an email.

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  8. Oh, Cristy. My heart is breaking for you. I cannot believe you're having to go through this again. It's so unfair. Sleep, cry, watch bad TV, do whatever you need to do to get through this time. I wish I could take some of your pain away...just so sad for you.

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  9. So so sorry for your loss:( hoping and praying you'll have much brighter days ahead.

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  10. Devastated for you. I'm so so sorry that you have to go through this. I wish I could take any of the pain away.

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  11. I am so so sorry. My heart broke when I read about what happened....
    I wish I could say something to make you feel better.
    hugs

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  12. No no no! I am so crushed for you. I am so so sorry for all of this. I wish there was something I could say or do. Please know you and Grey are in my thought and I'm sending you all my love.

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  13. Oh Cristy I'm so sorry for your loss. This is heartbreaking. Nothing I say will make you feel better. I know because I've been there. I'm here for you. Sending you my love to you and your family.

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  14. Cristy my heart sank as I read the first few words of this post. I am so, so very sorry! Words cannot describe the pain in my heart for you but I know it is only a fraction of what you and Grey are experiencing.

    I'm here if you need or want to talk. I'm just so sorry, my heart is broken.

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  15. I just read this post and cried for you. I cannot believe it and although there are no words that will make any of this better for you, please no how much I am thinking of you. It just isn't fair. Sending tons of love your way...

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  16. I have chills reading this post!
    Not what I was expecting to reading.
    I'm so heartbroken for you.
    We are ALL here if you need any of us!
    I am so very sorry!
    Sending all our love and hugs from Canada!!!

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  17. Cristy I just logged on and saw your blog. There are no words I have to state how very sorry I am that you lost the babies. You have been such a wonderful friend to me throughout everything and I wish I could give you hug and tell you how much sorrow I feel for you right now.

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  18. Cristy, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm here by way of Alissa, a fellow twin loss mama to me. Sending you much love, peace and strength as you mourn your losses... :(

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  19. I am so sorry sweet girl. I hope you do get some sleep so you can escape the pain for awhile. Hugs!

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  20. J and I are so very sorry that this happened. I often share your blog with him. If there is something I can do for you let me know.

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  21. Light and love to you and your family. I'm so so sorry for your loss.

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  22. I'm so sorry for your loss. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.

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  24. My heart is completely shattered for you both, Cristy. This is unimaginable. Rest now. Support and love each other. We're all here when you're ready, but for now just rest and know we all love you so much. I'm sending up two prayers into the universe today, just in case.

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  25. I'm very, very sorry, Cristy. I was hoping hard that things would be ok.

    You and Grey are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  26. Cristy, no! Damn! I was so, so hoping this would not be the outcome. I am so, so sorry and am sending you so much love. You have been there for me in dark times and I am here for you 100%. If you want to email, chat online, or talk voice, just let me know. I can also send you copious amounts of wine and chocolate...please be kind to yourself and hug Grey close.

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  27. "How does one find the strength to go on in the midst of so much pain? When life is so hard?"

    I don't know -- but inexplicably, we do. Somewhere, somehow, we find the strength to put one foot in front of the other. But for now, just be sad.

    I'm so very, very sorry. xo

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  28. Oh Christy, I am so so sorry. Holding you in my heart.

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  29. Although I have been where you are, I have no words of comfort to give you. I am so, so sorry you are going through this insurmountable pain again. Mourn your loss. Grieve as long as you need to. The second only compounds the first. Know we are here for you. *hugs*

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  30. I'm so sorry. Sending many thoughts and prayers your way.

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  31. I am so sorry! I wish I had words to help make this easier. I am thinking of you & sending tons of virtual (((((hugs))))).

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  32. Oh Cristy, I don't have words for you. I am so so so sorry!

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  33. I'm so so sorry. My heart is breaking for you.

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  35. So sorry for your loss. There are no words. You, your DH, and your angel babies are in my thoughts.

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  36. MissConception directed me here. I am so very sorry this is happening to you. I will be praying for you and your husband.

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  37. I am so sorry. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  38. I wish I knew what to say to take your pain away. I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  39. I am so, so sorry. Really. There is nothing I can say to make this better. I am thinking of you and your hubby today.

    Hugs,
    Jo

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  40. I am really really sorry. I hope that sleep gives you some respite from this pain. No one should have to go through this.

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  41. oh cristy. i am so, so sorry. my heart is breaking for you. i know there are no words to make this easier. i am sorry.

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  42. I'm so sorry. Keeping you and your Hubby in my thoughts and prayers and sending you peace.

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  43. I am very sad for you. Sleep and grieve and be loved and supported.
    Kirsten

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  44. Your post absolutely broke my heart. I am so very sorry for your loss, Cristy.

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  45. I read of your story on MissConception's blog and just wanted to say how sorry I am. Thinking of you ...

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  46. So much heartbreak, I'm so sorry for your loss. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Somehow we do get through these things, even if it doesn't feel like that at the moment.

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  47. I'm so so so sorry!!!! (((hugs)))

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  48. Oh Cristy...I am so sorry. So, so sorry. There are no words just sorrow.

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  49. I read your post yesterday and have been gutted ever since. I was hoping some words of comfort would come to me by this morning, but they haven't. I just wish I could take this pain away for you, chop it up into little pieces, and throw it away where it is never able to touch you again.

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  50. I am really sorry you're going through this...

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  51. Cristy, I'm here via MissConception...this news breaks my heart. Wishing you and your husband lots of strength and lots of love at this time.

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  52. Crist, I am so, so sorry. I am so angry at the universe! Why? My heart is breaking for you and Grey....I hope I can do something to take the pain away from me. Please take care of yourselves and do whatever you need to do to cope and heal. I will be thinking of you and sending love your way.

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  53. I am so sad and heartbroken to hear this. I'm so so sorry, Cristy. I'm thinking of you.

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  54. I'm sorry, Cristy. I wish I could take the grief and the heartbreak and the frustration all away for you. You are a warrior for going through all of this.

    I'll be thinking of you.

    Emily (TCOYF)

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  55. I am so, so sorry for your loss Cristy. My heart just breaks for you. Sending so many hugs.

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  56. No no noooo. Oh Cristy, I'm so sorry! Keeping you in my thoughts during this heartbreaking time. <3

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  57. Oh Cristy, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am holding you in my heart and in my prayers.

    -skins (TCOYF)

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  58. Cristy, I am so sorry for your loss. I know this kind of pain is too much to even process. I hate it so much for you. I'm thinking of you often.
    -Adriane (TCOYF)

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  59. My heart goes out to you... I'm so sorry that this is happening for you. Know that I'm thinking of you and sending you love from afar xoxo

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  60. I am deeply sorry Cristy. There are no words...

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  61. Hey hun, I am so sorry. I hate that this happened to you. I hate it. Please know that you are in my thoughts and I am sending you lots of love and hugs. XOXO

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