Time keeps on ticking

It's amazing what can happen in a week. So much movement and yet so little. My mind has been a whirl with all of these events and both Grey and I have been processing a lot.

- Our meeting with Dee was a chaotic one. Initially our intentions of getting some information about moving forward with the adoption process revealed that we are both struggling with being at the crossroads. Dee ordered us to find a marriage counselor to help deal with this. After a couple of fasle-starts, we have some leads and I hope we can proceed very soon.

- Speaking of adoption, we found an agency! Luck would have it that we managed to secure the last available spot for a pre-adoption seminar in August (next seminar would have been November). We currently have a stack of paper work we need to begin working our way through. At least our evenings will be filled.

- You're probably wondering where this leaves us with this upcoming cycle. Grey and I are on track, with our baseline ultrasound coming up on Tuesday. The emotions surrounding Tuesday are mixed for both of us: Grey is feeling very hopeful; I feel numb. At least the despair that was exacerbated by the BCPs is gone, but I don't feel any hope either. In a lot of ways, I feel like I'm just going through the motions, expecting nothing along the way. It a strange place to be.

- Despite feeling numb, I have been taking additional steps to help promote a good outcome. I found an acupuncturist at the beginning of May and have been ending my weeks laying on a table, meditating while having needles stuck in various portions of my body. It's become something I look forward to and I have noticed an improvement in my mood following the sessions. That and I love the acupuncturist. No matter the outcome of all of this, I may have to continue seeing her.

- I've been having dreams about green nail polish. Strange, I know. I think it's time to get my toes painted.

- Grades are submitted and I'm officially focusing on mentoring research students. And I'm wishing a had a quater of their energy. Mine has been terribly low and I have no explanation for why.

- I've begun hunting for postdocs in two different cities. I don't want to reveal too much at this point, but I have a very strong lead in one city while the other has resulted in nothing. Grey and I are flying out for a wedding in July located in the city with the strong lead, so I'm planning on mixing business with family and interviewing the lab then. In the meantime, I need to start working on applications for grants and reading over the papers from this lab. It's been terribly exciting to know that this may all come to fruition.

- On the home front, Grey and I bite the bullet and are replacing our carpets next week. I'll write more about our condo in the Pigeon Palace soon, but the carpets are a project that needed to be done 6 years ago when we first moved in. The idea that we are ridding ourselves of a major source of stress and smell has both Grey and I feeling lighter. We're also making plans to reface the kitchen cabinets (6-9 months). If all goes well, we'll final have the home we always wanted. Just in time to move.

- Grey and I have turned a corner. Grey allowing himself to grieve for this last miscarriage has opened the doors of communication. He's talked openly about how scared he is for the next cycle, about how much it hurts to be on this road. He's also talked about how confused he has been as we've been taking steps to begin the adoption process. We've been having multiple discussions clarifying our intentions and laying out a plan. He's feeling a lot better and more hopeful for the future because of this.

- We booked a cabin for a mini-vacation. We're leaving the weekend after the transfer and plan on doing nothing but sleeping, relaxing and exploring. My hope is the sea air will do us both some good. That and I'm hoping for a chance to see my first Orca pod. After 10 yrs in the Pacific Northwest, I've never seen them. And yet I dream of them. Strange, huh?

You see, a lot and nothing at all.