Episode 8 and learning about validation

First off, Episode 8 is live! This one we talk about Mo's dream of peeing on a digital HPT (apparently I haven't lived), Shelley's good news, Keiko's big news and FB and Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. And, of course, we rant.

The week has been an exhausting one. I had the day off Monday and originally intended on spending the weekend catching up on grading and finalizing some drafts of fellowship applications. Instead, following the blow-up on Sunday, I found myself in too much of a haze to do anything. So instead of being productive, I made my way to Puget Sound to take a remembrance walk.

Being by the water calmed me and it wasn't long before I became lost in the rhythm of the waves and rustle of the leaves. And with all of this, I began to remember those few happy days of pregnancy. Those few moments where all was right with the world.

It wasn't long before this peace gave way to the tears. The grief of still feeling so lost and alone in all of this.

Just when I thought I would be lost in my grief, I felt something plop up next to me. And when I turned, the hot tears in my eyes were quickly lapped away by the tongue of a black and white cocker spaniel. He was quickly joined by his golden-colored sister and instantly my tears were replaced with a giggle of surprise.

As their caregiver shouted at them, they both inspected me. Finally giving me a look that seemed to say "better," they hopped off the log we were sharing and continued down the beach. It was in the moments that followed, watching both of them trot down the beach, that it became clear everything would be okay.

Last night, Grey and I met with David. The session was far from easy, as we are both so frustrated with each other and life. After listening to both of us pour out the chaos from the last couple of weeks, David finally spoke. What he noticed is that neither of us are feeling validated. That we both are spending so much time trying to explain our reasoning to one another that it makes it nearly impossible to actually hear what the other is saying.

He then proposed that we practice being curious. In addition to using "I" statements, allowing us to take ownership for our feelings (vs. "you" statements that are attacking and make us victims to the outside world), he want's us to begin exploring issues by asking questions. This concept was most certainly intriguing and one that I want to practice. Of course, it will require work and learning to step back from each situation. Hence, I don't know how effective it will be in daily life. But with Grey, I want to try. And as frustrated as he is with me, I can tell he's already trying too.

So, we're rebuilding. Pulling out the broken parts of the foundation and trying to replace those with stronger beams. We're filling the cracks and repairing the leaks. It's hard work, but I know in the end it will be worth it.