In times of crisis, it can be hard to celebrate. Instinctively, there's this drive to put off any and all celebrating until one gets to a place where they have reason. After all, why would you reward a circumstance that is difficult or miserable? Why not wait until you're in a place where you have a reason to actually celebrate.
This rational makes sense for short-term crises. But what happens when there's no end in sight or resolution isn't clear is a vicious pattern where you find yourself isolated from all moments of happiness and missing milestones that need recognition. By waiting until everything is perfect, you effectively stop living.
For three long years, I did this to myself. Holidays came and went unrecognized and moments that deserved some recognition went without. Because we assumed that we couldn't and shouldn't celebrate until we finally brought home a baby. That there was no point.
It wasn't until our 3rd failed round of IVF and failure to launch with adoption that it became clear we needed to stop this mindset. That we were missing out on too much of life and, thus, were adding to the pain.
Applying this lesson, Valentine's Day was celebrated in our house yesterday. Amidst the anxiety and fear, Grey and I found moments to be together and celebrate our family. Our landlady Martha had made a Valentine's Day tree and the Beats made ornaments to add to it.
The morning was started with heart-shaped pancakes and then a trip to the mall to play at the indoor playground (we've begun meeting other families who are regulars during the time we're there). Lunch was had, followed by a long nap for the whole family and then some craft time/ play time. In the end it wasn't a fanfare of a day, but we made a point of finding those moments of happiness and milestones to recognize.
This morning, Grey heard back from one of his contacts about a position. Nothing is guaranteed nor do we know if this is even a good fit. But it's a start. And the help continues to flow in, offering connections and options. And that is worth celebrating too.
I love this. It is so easy to put off celebrations or hold such things at arm's length indefinitely when life is precarious and hard. I'm glad you were able to find joy and celebration in your family life yesterday. The Valentine's ornaments and tree are lovely!
ReplyDeleteContinuing to keep my fingers crossed for Grey's job search.
I love your reminder to allow for flow by, well simply by not stopping.
ReplyDelete<3 <3 <3 to you.
I love the tree.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a good reminder. When Josh was out of work, Purim rolled around and I wondered whether it was a good idea to send out dozens of mishloach manot packages. But he reminded me how important it was to keep consistent. Purim is important to us, so we'll do Purim. I'm glad we didn't take a year off because, you're right: you need to keep living.
Oh, I love the tree! And I love the celebrating and living of life in the face of uncertainty.
ReplyDeleteI love the tree and I can definitely sympathize with putting your life on hold in some ways until things get better. It's great that you recognized that and made a point to still enjoy the moment.
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