Thursday, November 2, 2017

Assessment results

This is still fresh, so please forgive me for the fragments and typos. I'm still reeling, but writing helps me process.

This morning, I met with the team for Special Education at the local school district to talk about the results on the assessment on the Beats. With He-Beat, despite some concern about hyperactivity, it's been determined that he is developing normally and does not need services at this time. But She-Beat is another story. After an hour of walking through observations and results from each team, it was concluded that she does qualify for special education services and an IEP is currently being put together for her so that we can get moving on getting her the help she needs.

Somehow I managed not to cry in the meeting, focusing on what was being said and making plans for what needs to be done in order to expedite this process. But afterwards in the car, I weep like I haven't weep since infertility.

There are so many negative emotions at the moment. I'm angry at myself for missing this and not acting sooner, I'm so sad that my little girl has been suffering, I'm frightened about what lies ahead, especially as I'm now looking at terminating me working in order to make sure she gets the help she needs. But I'm also angry at their current teachers, as part of the evaluations reflected that they view the Beats in a hostile manner. I'm angry with the rollercoaster Grey and I have been on that has inhibited us from being able to see this. And I'm angry with those we have supported who have completely failed us. Any guilt that remained about cutting those people out of our lives is now completely gone as they truly do not matter.

I don't know what to do at the moment. Phone calls have been made this morning and I will be reaching out to others in order to get additional support and guidance. All I know is I can't afford to do nothing. Nothing is not even an option.


  1. Oh, Cristy. I'm so sorry. Your emotions are justified.

    Please reach out to me if talking and abiding would help. I'm here and I care and I get it.

  2. I'm sorry you got this news and that it is so hard. And I'm really sorry that it seems some people didn't treat your children with fairness and respect. I do hope as you work through this process that you find kind people who will work with you as a team to help She-Beat. I don't think it will feel quite so terrifying when you do.

  3. I'm sorry you are going though this. Hoping things will get better soon once you have a plan in place!

  4. I am so sorry you're going through this, Cristy. :( I hope, as others have said above, that you will feel a little better once you get a plan in place & some good people to help you. (((hugs)))

  5. I'm so, so sorry you are going through this, especially that the teachers who should be helping and advocating for your children are causing so much distress and harm. Sending thoughts and hoping that you find the right people and plan to help She-Beat and your family navigate this situation.

  6. I am so sorry for this experience -- as a special education teacher myself, I am horrified when other teachers speak about children with hostility, or as if there is something personal in behavior or areas of struggle. Everyone should be in it for what's best for the child, and to support the family, not making it feel adversarial. I am glad that you can get services to help She-Beat -- services can be amazing and the growth that I see even in just one year is often inspiring, so there's so much hope. I can understand the grief, though, if not firsthand -- what you imagined is not coming to pass, and there are challenges now and ahead and it's concrete with an IEP. But with services come hope, and I sincerely hope a team that is putting your daughter's needs first and treating her with care, respect, and encouragement. Thinking of you and sending so much love.


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