Emerge

Two weeks ago, Grey and I had a telehealth visit with the Developmental Medicine practitioner to formally Maddy's and Teddy's ADHD diagnosis. There are many out there who have been critical of me pushing for evaluations and intervention, assuming that I'm solely looking for an excuse to medicate them (I'm not) or that I'm being a helicopter parent. But without any hesitation, the diagnoses were applied, allowing me to communicate with Maddy's and Teddy's teachers to solidify plans to help both give both these kids the tools they need to be successful and happy in life. Something that's been on my mind a lot lately as I reflect on my own life.

Last summer, after months of searching, I received a diagnosis of ADHD and began a treatment plan of my own. The process to get to this point was years in the making, with me assuming for so long that my inability to focus for long periods was a character flaw. Being in academia for close to two decades only intensified these feelings as I watched others around me excel and be elevated with me assuming again that it was due to me being unworthy. The damage to my self-worth is something I've only begun to repair, with me still being prone to pleasing others to a fault.

What changed my mindset and forced me to seek help was watching Maddy and Teddy struggle and hearing the same rhetoric being applied to them. For the first time, though, I began to critically evaluate who was casting this judgment and see how broken the strongest critics were. Suddenly, as I was challenging these criticisms, I found myself questioning my own critics. And having a shift in mindset about how we thinking about learning disabilities.

Why I speak about this now is that I was told today that my ADHD has been a benefit as I've been adapting training to the online world. While others struggle to keep people's attention, I've been crafting videos that are short, succinct, and outline clear goals from the beginning. Where all of this comes from is my own understanding of what keeps my attention and focusing on what needs to be communicated. Apparently, an understanding that isn't common, making my ADHD a superpower in this post-COVID-19 world. A thought I've been hearing more and more with virtual learning.

Since the meeting, Grey and I have started to see how the new tools we've been given have been helping Maddy and Teddy. With the support of their teachers, both kids have been doing well academically and socially, providing another layer to the foundation we've been working on. But another outcome of that meeting has been me tearing down out of my rotten foundation and embracing this aspect of myself that once I found shameful. Because this new world is teaching me that those who previously silenced are at a loss for how to build a road forward. And though that reality is glaringly scary, it also presents an opportunity for those who were silenced and shamed to emerge for the better.