Yesterday snuck up on me. Most years, I spend Mother's Day in a quiet funk due to remembering my miscarriages and the fact that I'm estranged from my mother. Instead, due to being extremely busy, I started my Sunday the way I normally do before Maddy ordered me back to bed so she and Teddy could bring me coffee. The rest of the day spent quietly, but not with the usual melancholy.
But what isn't being talked about is the growth coming from all this change. The emergence of urgency to no longer ignore some problems and the push-back that is happening with those that are attempting to return to the previous normal. All combined with the shifts so many are making in their daily lives.
Pain is an amazing teacher. My years of infertility and loss taught me how motivating it can be. But equally important is recognizing that pain has to be moderated, as too much can stifle growth. The issue is determining how much is too much vs. what is actually required. Something that is tricky to figure out at the moment and usually only assessed best in the after.
Oh yes to your thoughts on pain and growth. I think I have an inner sociologist coming out because someday I want to look back on this and study how people behaved before, during, and after. What new patterns and innovations developed? What stayed? What was discarded?
ReplyDeleteI think one of my coping mechanisms is to zoom out and go all theoretical. Pain comes stronger with the personal.
I'm so glad this year was a better year. How sweet that the kids are old enough and compassionate enough to bring you coffee in bed!
ReplyDeleteWhat you write about pain rings so true. It's like stress, too me. Just enough stress keeps me motivated, keeps me trying. Too much stress leaves me in hyperventilating puddle. It's a pity humans don't come with a 'pain gauge' to tell us when we've hit that point of growth. It's even more of a pity that life wouldn't care and make things easier even if we did know.
After all you've been through, I hope you're in a place where your biggest challenge is the 'obsessing after' and not the 'pain during'.
I love your last para on pain and growth. It's definitely hard to figure out right now - but your thoughts of your SIL bring perspective which might explain your more serene focus on M's Day this year. Plus, coffee in bed brought by the kids. How lovely!
ReplyDeleteI love that image of the twins bringing you coffee in bed. <3 Here's hoping that the pain we're all going through leads to something better in the future.
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