Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Grey: more complex colors

Hi All,

This is Grey. Thanks again for your support through our journey. You truly provide sunshine. I hope we reflect this back to you.

My feelings right now are a collision of contradictions. I'm so happy deep down, yet angry and anxious. Our current situation has me feeling like a most precious tree is blooming after a long winter after losing so many others and all I can see is the trouble around it. I want to protect it. I want to protect them, mother and children. I see our recession and crime (arson, armed robbery and worse) tattered neighborhood, careless, cell-phone using or texting drivers (as a bike commuter myself, even more so, saw someone eating a bowl of cereal with milk once too, between their knees driving downhill, no kidding). I want our children so dearly, I'm happy, but I'm angry at the world too. Why was this so hard? Why is the world so filthy, incompetent and careless when there are babies? Especially THESE babies! I know the data says one now, but we continue to believe in the other.

I don't want to feel like this. The anger is new. It is different than the depression of the last several months (years). It's more alive, but destructive. I think of Sugar Beat and it resets. Clarity sets in. We've had good news. I love you in there. I would do anything I could to help you from out here. I think of my nephews and nieces and what they mean to me and what they have taught me. I remember I need to stay warm in my heart or there is no point to being a parent. I need to stay good for you.


  1. You're doing great - thanks for posting! This is an emotional roller coaster and it only makes sense that you are experiencing a range of emotions right now.

  2. Stay strong, Grey. You are in a precarious situation and it's very hard to have so much to lose and at the same time, not be able to do much about it.
    I'll be thinking of you both.

  3. Not being in control is the hardest part of IF for me and it often makes me feel angry too. You must be feeling a huge range of emotions right now. I will be thinking of you

  4. So nice to read you in this space, Grey. Wishing you, Cristy and SugarBeat the best world possible.

  5. I so love that u feel safe posting here Grey! U and Cristy r such an inspiration!!! We r all rooting for u, cristy and lil sugar beat!!!!

  6. Hang in there. I know what it is like to want to protect and nurture a new little life and feel powerless. It's tough, but I think you have this. Just stay strong and good and know that you are giving all you can right now.

  7. Seriously just touched my heart in the deepest way... thank you for sharing with us where you are at as well Grey.


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