Monday, January 22, 2018

#MicroblogMondays: scary excitement

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

On Sunday, following a failed attempt at nap-time, I found Grey on the couch in tears. While resting and connecting with friends back West, he allowed himself to reflect on all that has happened and what is coming resulting in a release of emotions. Through tears, he hugged me and whispered "I don't have to die here." 

One of many statements that sums up all the emotions from the past few years.

There is so much good on the horizon. The Beats are very excited about moving, wanting to see this new land with mountains and ocean. In addition there are many on the other end who are already stepping up in major ways to help us, offering advice on where to find rentals and making plans to help us land.

But with the excitement comes the sadness and anger. I do not have work lined up nor do we have any idea of how to transition the Beats (continue Preschool vs. me homeschooling them? How to jive this with finding work and making sure that we don't end up in another bad situation). I'm already so sad and worried as we're giving notice to their schools today (I'm really going to miss these teachers) and we've also have the unpleasant business of informing our landlord we're terminating the lease (lawyer and Board of Health are already lined up to make it clear she has much to lose if she decides to fight that). 

So we're trying to ride the scary excitement; our own happy/sad. 


  1. My heart breaks for your husband - that level of unhappiness is so tough. I'm glad you're getting this chance.

    I understand the mixed emotions that come with a move like this: we moved 2,000 miles for my job in 2013. Happy, excited, nervous, terrified, sad - they're all normal feelings. I hope that your journey can be smooth enough to let you enjoy the positive ones and not suffer from the negative ones. (I also hope that your DH's employer will be covering the move for you!)

  2. I'm so glad that you are moving forward to something new, but I totally get the bittersweet nature of moving away from the things that were pleasant where you are. How wonderful to move away from the myriad UNPLEASANT things, but those silver linings are tough to lose. I'll be thinking of you through this transition!

  3. Relief tears are so bittersweet, but I'm glad the burden of stress you've both had is going to start to lift.

    I know you know that you can't foolproof your life to ensure you don't end up in another bad situation. But you know now what to look out for, so you're going to be so much better able to defend yourselves and your family in the future. It might not feel like that, especially now when you've had such a long time of stress and uncertainty, and some of that will continue until you get settled. But take time to breathe, and with each breath let that burden lift from your shoulders. The world is your oyster now!

  4. Ahhh...the land of happy/sad. Of on one hand/on the other.

    What a release for Grey. So hard to imagine all that buried angst he's been living with -- you both have been living with.

    I'm so glad you've got people stepping up to help your path unfold. May that pattern continue, of the path being laid clearly at your feet as you meet junction after junction.


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