The art of divorcing

This morning, Grey sent termination letters for our lease to our landlord. Both of us have spent hours reviewing the language on our lease in combination with Massachusetts laws about uninhabitable living conditions and talking with a lawyer in order to make sure that when we do this, we know what our recourse is when our landlord freaks out.

In addition, Grey has spent this week giving notice at his current employer. Not surprising, everyone except for the problematic supervisor has wished him well and been open to working with him as he prepares to leave. All of it a delicate process though, particularly as the problematic manager is angry that he would dare to leave.

All of this has had me thinking more and more about relationships and how we end them. Whether personal or professional, bonds are formed when people decide to become part of a group and it's literally impossible to exclude emotions in the process. Which means that no matter what the relationship, the severing of ties will result in feelings of loss. In the best of circumstances and situations this usually means there's some sadness, but where the drama comes is when one party either feels wronged or there's some level of toxicity.

This is an area I fail at. For years Cyrol stalked me, intensifying his attacks even when you ignored him. I've had others who have attacked over and over again despite my unwillingness to engage, wanting to pin all the wrongs in a failed relationship solely on me. What I've learned in some fairly painful ways is that despite what I was taught and told, firm boundaries often need to be put into place backed with consequences for testing them. With Cyrol, it took standing our ground and countersuing him. Even then he wouldn't stop, insisting on emailing. Further protections have since been put into place, but it's only when he's been harmed  by his actions (financially and socially) that he's redirected. We haven't had to be this extreme with others situations, but having a lawyer on standby and already contacting the Board of Health are components we have currently have in our back pockets. And with the problematic supervisor it's been keeping documentation and alerting HR.

The end goal of all of this is simple: we want all involved to simply let us terminate the contracts and allow us to move on. Neither Grey or I want to fight. And yet, there's an art to divorcing and making sure that the temptations to retaliate are quickly eliminated.