Confronting death

It was an innocent mistake. I was excited to find a copy of the movie "Charlotte's Web," which I loved as a child and sat down with Maddy and Teddy to watch. Going through each scene, I began to remember the specifics of the story about a pig and his unusual friendship with a spider with a talent for words. I didn't think too much of it until near the end of the movie until we came to the scene where this spider announced she wouldn't be making the journey back to the farm. And suddenly, caught in a vortex I knew we had no way out of, I found myself preparing for the shock and sadness that all children face when confronted by the reality of death.

Teddy and Maddy are at an age where they are becoming aware of certain realities. Learning about Rosa Parks sparked a long conversation about fairness and equality, allowing us to begin future discussions about racism and civil rights. An evening bathtime turned into an anatomy lesson and exploring gender. And a recent interaction with some neighbor kids started the discussion about when friends don't want you to play with them and why in most moments that was okay vs in moments where it leads to bullying. Death has been a harder one, given the topic is rooted in sadness and grief.
It's also the one equalizer as it's something none of us will escape, meaning they will be facing this reality at some point, making it important to not shy away from these conversations. The problem is, how to have the conversation, given it's a topic that brings up a lot of fear. Some turn to religion to begin explaining, with images of an afterlife meant to help soothe, but though those initial explanations seem to help placate the questioners, it often doesn't prepare them for the avalanche of emotions that come when faced with death.

Why all of this is on my mind is because I'm trying to figure out how to prepare Teddy and Maddy for when Jaxson and Daisy pass. This summer, both kitties will be 16 years old, and though they are both in very good health, I'm also aware that their time with us as a family is also becoming short. Unlike when they were younger, both cats have developed their own relationship with each kid, meaning when the day comes that we say good-bye, the grieving process will also involve each of them navigating their own process. And though I cannot entirely prepare them, I also know that we need to start exposing them, talking about what death means and helping them process the emotions surrounding that reality now when it is more hypothetically.

Sitting on Grey's lap, a sobbing Maddy hugged him as she processed facing the death of a character and confronted her own fears about dying and her family dying. Instead of telling her not to worry, Grey held her as she processed these emotions, allowing a few tears to fall as they talked about how one day he would die too; why even though that would be sad that it was a part of being alive and why it was important to live our lives the best way we knew how.

Still, as important as these conversations are, and the fact that they need to continue, I feel completely unprepared to talk about all of this. Maybe because a part of me it's ready to face these realities yet, even though I'm very aware that they aren't terribly far away.