Thursday, October 5, 2017

Brave for them

It's funny what kids take in. Their ability to observe and see the world in a way most adults have lost. I was once told that small children are the ultimate scientists, driven by a need to know and a willingness to fail in order to find the answer. A big part of that, though, is observation. The things they clue in on and can take in, all in a manner that betrays them either being uninterested or being completely unaffected.

Today I took the Beats in for their evaluations with special education. Though I wasn't in the room with He-Beat as he completed his evaluation, I did sit in for part of She-Beat's evaluation with the speech and language assessor. And though I hid in the corner as so not to distract She-Beat from what she was doing, I could hear how the assessment progressed. The waves of emotions that suffered throughout the entire 2 hour process left me marveling at how strong so many of these parents and caregivers before me have been just to sit in that chair and observe.

Through it all, I knew it was critical that I put on a brave face. That I cheer them on for doing such a good job even though all I wanted to do was breakdown and cry.

At the end, I didn't completely succeed. While talking with the staff at the end, the tears readily flowed. But I promised to do better next time. For the road ahead. Because though I'm feeling like a complete failure, I know that going through this process is so very important so that we can help them grow and thrive. That it's important to be brave for them.

6 comments:

  1. Why do you feel like a complete failure? What do you think you could have done differently? What is going on is not your fault. Lots of kids need extra assistance and end up thriving.

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  2. A complete success as a parent.. for every moment. You are doing right by those Beats and they are so lucky to have you. It's hard facing all the challenges of parenting. Allow the feelings. I feel you....HUGS!

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  3. I know exactly how you feel. When I took Cadet in for testing, I felt like it was a test of my parenting, and my choices. And, when he didn't do as well as he could have on the testing...I felt like a total failure. I cried a lot (A LOT), and questioned every choice I had made as a parent. Then, that passed (it still crops up occasionally), and I started to focus on the work he and I had to do. That helped a lot. So, I'm abiding with you in those feelings...and hopeful for the future (you and The Beats).

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  4. I can't say it better than NSC. You're not a failure, and you're doing what's best for them. That's all anyone could do. Don't be so tough on yourself. And you probably needed a good cry. Hugs!

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  5. Going through those assessments is so, so hard. The feelings of failure are really tough to deal with...having been in that room (so to speak) a few times, I hear you on that. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to advocate and fight for your children to get what they need to grow and develop well. Sending thoughts and hoping for strength for all of you as you go through this.

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  6. I completely understand your feelings. A hug for you and a hug for me.

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