Brave for them

It's funny what kids take in. Their ability to observe and see the world in a way most adults have lost. I was once told that small children are the ultimate scientists, driven by a need to know and a willingness to fail in order to find the answer. A big part of that, though, is observation. The things they clue in on and can take in, all in a manner that betrays them either being uninterested or being completely unaffected.

Today I took the Beats in for their evaluations with special education. Though I wasn't in the room with He-Beat as he completed his evaluation, I did sit in for part of She-Beat's evaluation with the speech and language assessor. And though I hid in the corner as so not to distract She-Beat from what she was doing, I could hear how the assessment progressed. The waves of emotions that suffered throughout the entire 2 hour process left me marveling at how strong so many of these parents and caregivers before me have been just to sit in that chair and observe.

Through it all, I knew it was critical that I put on a brave face. That I cheer them on for doing such a good job even though all I wanted to do was breakdown and cry.

At the end, I didn't completely succeed. While talking with the staff at the end, the tears readily flowed. But I promised to do better next time. For the road ahead. Because though I'm feeling like a complete failure, I know that going through this process is so very important so that we can help them grow and thrive. That it's important to be brave for them.